Saturday In House Gists.

Saturday in house gist don land.I had a good laugh today......the gists will continue tomorrow.
Dont forget to vote wisely.lol

          

GIST ONE

  YORUBA CLASS

This gist might be funny to some people and not so interesting to others depending on how you look at it and how you understand what was said.

This gist happened when I was in Senior Secondary School, it was during the YORUBA CLASS. The teacher entered the class and saw that the class was packed with lots of students. 

Most of these students were not Yoruba nor came from a Yoruba speaking background but because they found Igbo language much difficult to understand and learn than Yoruba, they choose the subject.

So because of the crowd the teacher decided to ask everyone to give examples/sentences in Yoruba to show they understood Yoruba or learnt something in Yoruba because half of the non-yoruba speaking students came to play in the class and make noise. 

 Everyone was running around looking for a Yoruba person to ask for an example, I gave my sentence and sat (because I’m Yoruba it was easy). I was asked for sentences by other students and the meaning.

There was this boy Michael, he was hiding underneath the table so he won’t be asked, or called. The teacher saw him and told him to stand up to give an example or leave her class, he looked at me for a sentence which I told him to say Oruko mi ni Michael(my name is Michael), he said no he didn’t want that and decided to ask this mischievous boy Tunde. 

Tunde gave him the sentence and asked him to say MO TI YA WEREY (I am mad) and immediately he jumped up very happy that he had a better example without asking for the meaning.

TEACHER: Michael di de, ko fun mi ni apeere (Michael stand up and give me a sentence)

MICHAEL: *who couldn’t pronounce well said* O TI YA WEREY (You are mad)

TEACHER: #Angryface who gave you that sentence? Do you know the meaning? *the whole class laughing* 

MICHAEL: No Ma, Tunde gave me the sentence.

TEACHER: Tunde stand up, O ma ya werey le ni (you will be mad today), Gbogbo family e ma ya werey (Everyone in your family will run mad). Get out of my class.

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GIST TWO 
BINDING AUNTY STELLA'S FART

Una well done ooo...this gist happened few months back...

   My elder sister is a children teacher in my church,she sabi the work no be small.

This particular week,its happened that the children were having thanksgiving in church after their program. Three days to it,my sister was complaining of messing(farting)frequently.. Meself witness the messing,over smell dey worry am.

   Joking she said " Winnie and kate make Una pray for me oo,dis mess nu go kill me,its only God that can heal me.we all laughed over it.never knew my little sis took it serious.

     Sunday came for the thanksgiving, children took over the service...its was very interesting. After the sermon,a child was ask to come out to pray for the message.Na so my sis raise up her hand and was ask to come out oo,See us clapping,my mum stood up for her sef

  Winnie...In Jesus name

  Congregation.... Amen

  Winnie...In thy mighty name of Jesus

  Congre..Amen

  Winnie..Nobody will die in Jesus name

  Congregation...Amen

    My daddy and mummy will not die in Jesus name..

  Congre..Amen

Winnie... I cancel that thing that is making aunty Stella to mess in Jesus name,aunty Stella will not mess again in Jesus name.

In Jesus name I pray..

   Na so the congregation shout AMEN!!!.

  I forgot to write aunty Stella was the one holding the mic.

*side eyes*

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GIST THREE

SCHOOL BAG

Stella #thumbs up#. BV #chop knuckle#

Straight to the gist:

Prelude:Back then in my secondary school days.

There was this Bus stop very close to my school. Every vehicle plying that road will stop or slowdown for couple of seconds or minutes before dey continue accelerating.(depending on how heavy d traffic is) U know as bustop dey b now?.....

Me and my friends, having collected transport fare from home we lavish it during break time. When its closing hour we patiently wait at that busstop as trucks do ply the road periodically. 

Wen dey slow down or stop at that busstop we go just climb d back of the truck. When dey get to the nearest bstop to our house we go jump down "' dust our body and begin dey bounce go house."'

This had been everyday thing between me and my friends. (e don turn normal whenever we dey go house)

Main gist:

So this faithful afternoon. We waiting at the busstop as usual. Luckily for us a freight truck was approaching. I already got my self composed, stretch my fingers and ready to hop ahead of my friends. For me to have a good jump, I first threw my school bag into the slowly moving truck so that it will be easier for me to climb from the back.

But that day the story changed.

Just as I threw my bag into this truck make I climb na him the driver accelerate. Ehn... Watin be dis... ??? I became more conscious (knowing my school bag is already inside the moving truck). Na so I dey run after this truck o. 

The more I ran (with my short legs)... The more the driver accelerated. In just few minute of running the truck was completely gone (I no even see its traces again) Na so I stand at the middle of the busy road wide-eyed and bewildered.

My mind quickly remembered my textbooks. Ha!!! I don die today!!!! So it meant all my notebooks and textbooks were gone. (As I was the type that went to school with all subject notes, my school bag heavy like bag of cement).

Tears started cropping up (thinking watin I wan tell my papa for house). **** I can't just go home without my school bag****

After much persuasion from my friends I decided to go back home without my school bag.

when I got home I couldnt  explain what happened (I just did't know how to say it)..... The kind beating my papa gave me I regretted coming to this world. After so much beating, people beg my papa for me oo. Yet I did not tell anyone what happened. But later my papa tampered justice with mercy but promised never to buy a single notebook for me until I produce my school bag.

.... So that's it oooo. I can never forget that day.

Like say na dere e end....

Na him I reach school the next day. Mr Ambali the wicked, good for nothing teacher in my school said....

.......Oya....all....of.....you.......place.....your......physics.....note......on.....your.....desk...  (in a very deep voice)!!!!!!!

On hearing this my mind went blank for some minute, I felt like the ground should just swallow me. I prayed God should end this world at that moment...

But my prayer was not answered....

Watin happen after then I no fit type am o, only the disgusting scar for my back presently fit explain that.......

the end of the tale be say I survived secondary school even thou say na all subject teacher dey pass me round till I passed out.####

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GIST FOUR

EBOLA BECOME SUPERSTAR

During those days when Ebola virus invaded Lagos, I remembered a hilarious incident that I would love to share with everyone. There was this uncle of mine that loves animals; he keeps cats, dogs, turtles and different species of birds.

He gives them funny names.

There was a time he bought a puppy and called it “SLAPPING”. Another time, he had a monkey and he christened it “KING KONG “. My uncle decided that the hustle in Lagos was too strenuous, so he moved to Ifo in Ogun state. 

The place was just developing {“new site” according to some people}. His house was the only story building in the area as at that time. All his neighbors thought he was a big gun, always greeting when he passes. You know Yoruba peeps can greet for Africa.

This uncle decided to buy a dog for security purpose, although he employed an old man as a night watch but the man drinks and sleeps on duty. Hence, his decision which was a good shot in the long run. My uncle bought a matured Caucasian {hope I got it right}, the dog that looks like a lion and almost as tall as a man when standing on its hind legs. He named the dog “EBOLA”

Now this dog is always in its cage never moving. The only time it stands is when you go near its cage and it always growls, it never barks. As long as you stay away from it, it never makes a sound. But truth be told, that dog’s physique alone can send one to the grave.

 During NYSC break, I went visiting. That dog is a waste of money he complained to me. I consoled him but kept my distance from the dog.

That night, when we were asleep I heard someone jump into the compound {the window of the room I was spending the night in opened to the backyard where Ebola ‘s cage was sited}. Then, Ebola started growling. I was about to get up and check what the matter was when I heard a shout

“BABA, BABA”

“ta niyen”{who is that} the night watch replied from the front of the house.

“baba, ejo e wa mu mi. ole ni mi. ema je ki aja pami. ejo, olorun o nib a tiyin je”{baba please, come and catch me. I am a thief. Don’t let this dog kill me. God will bless you}.

“ haaaa… emi o wa oooo” the night watch  replied  still from the front of the house” aja ti o ni ebola ti o ba ma ku ni o ku o”{haaa… I am not coming oo… the dog that has ebola.. Die if you want to die ooo}

“heeeennn!!!!!!!!.. Ebo kini? !!!!!..”The thief screamed, and then he increased the intensity of his voice”

 ARA ADUGBO, E GBA MI OO. E JA DE OO. EMI ISMAILA OMO BAALE NI OO. ARA ADUGBO, EJA DE OO” {heeennn!!!!!.. Ebo what?!!!.. EVERYBODY COME OUT  OO. HELP ME. IT IS I ISMAILA THE BAALE’S SON. EVERYONE COME OUT}.

My uncle came outside with a pestle and I at his heels. We say the guy transfix at about 6 meters from the dog’s cage. You could see the relief on his face when he saw us.

“Ese sir, olorun ma bukun  yin. Olorun o ni pa yin lekun”{God bless you sir} the thief prayed

At this time, all the residents came out and rushed to our compound. They actually thought my uncle wanted to use him for ritual. But when they heard what happened they beat the guy almost to coma. He was taken to the station after the beating. That was not the first time the boy was caught stealing. His father always protected him. 

The funniest part was that the thief was grateful to my uncle after the beating he received. He called my uncle a man of God at the station and the night guard a bad man. My uncle fired the night guard after the incident. Like play, like play Ebola become superstar oo.

LMAO.hhahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahaha i am sorry i couldnt help the bad bout of laughter i went through reading this OMG!

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GIST FIVE

YOU BE PRISONER?

On wednesday evening, I went to visit my girl Friend, there was no light, we decided to sit outside her house. In the compound, there was one of her neighbour that was always drunk, a woman and she has three children.                                                  

The daughter was sitting outside with her boyfriend, the mother now came back from her ogogoro joint in  normal happy mood, she is always happy, after taking her ogogoro. 

She went to where the daughter was sitting with her boyfriend, she said to the boy, my pikin abeg no vex, I wan ask you one, question and guy said no problem, she now said, you be prisoner, the guy was surprised.   

 Even my girl Friend and I was surprised, my girl Friend now asked her area mama ''why you dey ask am that kind question'' because they normally call her area mama, she now said, ''every time when he dey come here na only this trouser and shirt he dey wear dey come here, na make I say make I ask am whether na prisoner, na only prisoner dey wear one trouser and shirt''.                         

Every body sitting outside started laughing and shouting area mama, because each time the guy comes to the compound, he always wore that same shirt and trouser. 

Winner of last weeks in house gist mailed me today that she has received 10k alert from money maker and would send a mail for Monday in house news.