Saturday In House Gists.

Today is different!..LOL

GIST ONE

CHASED BY AN EX-SOLIDER....

  While growing up,there was nothing i won't do for Money,there was this ex soldier man,the man was one eyed and dreaded by most kids who lived around that area,he lived couple of streets away from ours,but the man had a very pretty daughter whom most guys in the area had their eyes on,but as soon as you have the thought of her dad,you will surely shiver and block that thought.

  On a particular day one of my elder bro's friend visited us, and we had a full house,including my cousins who were basket ball players,all ranging 6ft plus and my siblings who were settled when it came to fitness (Lol)...My elder bro's friend,came up to me and described a particular babe he met on his way to our place and behold with the description and the address the babe gave to him,it was the ex soldier daughter....

    Immediately i knew who he was after, i told him i had an headache,because i knew the next thing he was gonna ask me,was to go call the babe over to our place,before i could say "JACK ROBINSON", he brought out fresh #500 note,money my medicine,and asked me to go call the girl,that they already made plan of she coming over to see him,damn at that time mobile phone wasn't common....I thought about the risk and the reward but like Jet Li (my role model) movie "NO RISK NO REWARD", i agreed to the deal without blinking an eye,after all "SOMETHING MUST KILL A MAN",i knew mine was gonna be money.

   I went on my suicide mission,went to the house of the ex soldier officer and knocked on the gate,at that point i wasn't even thinking,all i could see at that time was me in school by Monday spending my hard earned "THOMAS MULLER", Fortunately it was the pretty damsel that answered my knock,as she was walking towards me,i could see another being walking close like a shadow,Lo and behold she was escorted by my worst fear at that time(ex soldier man),the face was scary,i got stuck to the ground and in my mind was blaming my too much watching of Jet Li movie,he got me in this mess.

   She came up to me and asked who am i looking for,the ex soldier stood close to her daughter,looking like a wounded lion,i was mute and could not say a single word,i started stammering and told them i came to buy fruits,they looked surprised and asked if i was okay,i told the man that i was fine,that i was passing by and saw the guava tree,with ripe fruits and i want to purchase some of it,the girl replied that they weren't for sale,the wounded lion(ex soldier) got pissed off and shouted at me to speak my real reason for knocking on his gate,at that point i knew all Jet LI move was all fake, in my head i screaming "JET LI DECEIVED ME OOOO".

   I looked around and before the wounded lion(ex soldier) could blink his eyes i was off like "USAIN BOLT" or should  i say "FLASH",the wounded lion(ex soldier) chased after me but in my head i knew nothing could catch me, not even "JUDGEMENT DAY". Fortunately, i finally approached my street with full speed and luckily my siblings,cousins and their friends were all outside our fenced compound playing street football,in my head i knew GOD CAN DO MIRACLES.

   I ran straight inside the compound and was peeping the wounded lion(ex solider) through an opening on our gate,my siblings,cousins and their friends was busy sweating on their football match,no shirts on, just shorts,some had "SEVEN PACKS" on their chest and literally even had packs on their head,one of my cousin was a GOLIATH LOOKALIKE,the man stood outside considering his own risk and reward this time,imagining the

reaction of this hungry GOLIATH 'S if  he dares go into the compound after me.

   One of my Cousin walked up to the ex soldier officer and asked his reason for standing in front of our compound,the man said he was after a boy and described me to him(MTCHEWW, AS IF HIM BLIND WHEN I ENTER THE COMPOUND), my crazy cousin told him the boy was in the compound and persuaded the wounded lion(ex solider man) to go inside and get me,the man looked at the red eyes of my cousin and refuted this genius idea,and told him that he wasn't sure i was the person he is after and walked away shamefully....LOL

    I got half of my pay 250# for a daring risk,and went to school by Monday spending my hard earned "THOMAS MULLER", like my hero(Jet Li) would always say "NO RISK NO REWARD".

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GIST TWO

AUNTY OYA STAND UP

       

Hi Stella,

Uhm,the gist wey I wan knack una don tey ehn,but the love of 5k bring am out,lol

‎Abeg my fellow bv's no mind my gbagauns o,i attended evening school.

This gist happen when I was doing my IT in ibadan,i rented a face me I slap you kind of house,in one area like that,but I couldn't bring myself to use their toilet,so I always go to the bush whenever I want to shit,so on this fateful day,i went to the bush to shit as usual,I haven't drop more than two slices,when I hear a voice from my back,on turning I saw sanitary inspectors, and one of them said "aunty,oya e dide, ki e gbe igbe ti e n ya lowo"meaning "aunty,get up and carry ur poo along.........

I was like yee mogbe,and I'm the kind of girl that can form ehn,there is this copper guy beside my house that has been trying to get my attention, in fact I usually ignore his greetings,uhm back to the matter,i started begging these people,and they insisted I follow them to their office,before I knew what was happening, the whole neighborhood had gathered.,and you know my ibadan people now,they start asking questions upon questions like"aunty kilode ti eyin na ya gbe Si ibe yen".at the long run sha,after much begging, they decided to let me go.

That incident really humble me o,i started greeting the people I usually ignore before,the one that really pained me is the guy that I have been snubbing, I have to start calling him to greet even when he didn't see me.

Whenever I remember this incident, I lol

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GIST THREE

DISGRACEFUL CAMERA

God bless you for the good works you are doing via your blog. 

This happened to me last year and I want to share it with my fellow Bv's. My pastor was transfer to another branch so our congregation decided to organise a sent forth party for him (abi na so dem dey call am?).

 They didn't include photography on their plans but the busy body in me decided to show off. I just finished my photography/videography training, so I decided to let everyone knows what am capable of but I didn't have money to rent a good camera so I go borrowing from my boss. 

The man gave me his old Nikon D90 without telling me the condition of the camera. Sunday morning I don dress up with my heavily starch trouser and shirt, I bought a new battery for flash and headed to church for the day show with an immediate alacrity. I took some shots and the camera responded well. 

Choi! the smile on my face was priceless. The programme went smoothly until they call for a photography section and by this time, the house was already filled with dignitaries coming to grace d occasion. There were L.G's chairmen, state house members security agents and top celebrated pastors. 

Everyone lined up and smile for the camera while I took a comfortable position to capture that wonderful moment. Behold my camera refused to snap. I tried everything I knew yet d damn thing won't respond. The smiles on the faces of our guest started wearing off and soon they all left me to my fate with disappointment on their faces and the worst part of it is that am not good at pretending else I would have pretended that I snapped them. 

Till today that embarrassment is still fresh on my memory. 

Note: the party was suppose to be a small get together but.................

Please anyone sending in gists should please edit it,the others ones i received are so bad that it would take me forever to edit so i cannot post it,please if you dont find yours here,edit and resend you hear?

Thank you.

I sent the winner of last weeks a mail to send account number and i am yet to receive it.