STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
AT ONE POINT DOES ONE GIVE UP?
Dear Stella,
Thanks for the great work you do on this blog,
I need you to post this chronicle as I really need help and I am hoping my husband or his babe will see this.
At what point does one give up?
I got married to the man I believed was my world and I had the fairy-tale wedding I have always dreamed of. Everything was fine and we had our son within the first year of our marriage. Everything began to fall apart and I cannot still point out what went wrong.
I got married to the man I believed was my world and I had the fairy-tale wedding I have always dreamed of. Everything was fine and we had our son within the first year of our marriage. Everything began to fall apart and I cannot still point out what went wrong.
My husband constantly had issues with the people around me (my friends, siblings and some family members). He says I allow too many people interfere with our marriage and I need to learn how to be married. But in my defense, I am a family person and I didn’t believe there is anything wrong in my mom/ siblings trying to resolve issues for us.
He also complained of my nagging and inability to prioritize amongst other things. But my husband became more impatient, unaccommodating and angry and he let his anger get the best of him.
I won’t try to paint myself as a saint because I know I played a major role in destroying our union, and when my husband was pleading and got us to go for marriage counselling, I wasn’t interested, instead I got him to move out of the house. I have never worried about him cheating because I known him for such a long time to be a very disciplined person.
The problem now is, it’s been two years since the separation and I want to have my home back. I initially gave him the impression that I had moved on (because I didn’t think he was trying enough to resolve our differences), but I swear I have always being loyal. I understand what his complaints were about, especially with friends (I have learned the hard way, that one is story for another day). We have moved back in together but my husband has locked up. He agrees with everything and avoids conversations with me. He has not touched me for once in years.
I snooped around and I found out he is seeing someone. I won’t call her a side chick because I see the chemistry in their messages and it looks pretty serious to me. I hope I can be as close and intimate with my husband as this chick. I have called her and warned her to leave my husband but all of these fell on deaf ears. I have prayed and fasted, but nothing seems to improve. I confronted my husband and he just kept mute.
Like I said, we both messed up and I definitely messed up more and I have realized my mistakes. What do I do to move forward? Is it time to give up and count my losses? Do I just wait for him to come around?
Wow,your mail touched cos i know what it is like to be in love with someone who has moved on.
Study the situation very well and by yourself you will know if you should move on or not.
Now let me ask you this?Why did he agree to move back together if he is in love with someone else?There is hope,try to steal back your husband,stop calling the side HO and concentrate on the two of you.
why dont you go on a vacation together?
I am sure you will get some good tips from this blog,please let us know how it goes.
It is well
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you know you pushed your hubby into this and you own up to it is the reason i feel compassionate towards you. Just pray and leave all to God, He knows best. You have learnt the hard way. Its possible your hubby wants people to think you guys are good but inside only the two of you know what's up. Right now, you are married in name only while he is officially married outside. If you can actually get him to talk to you, heart to heart, you might actually start winning him back albeit slowly.
DeleteJust keep loving him and praying for him and your home steadfastly. Devil use you as the agent in your home, but you ignored him. It might take time, but if you are steadfast in your prayers you will see results.
My own different o, and I need advise. Hubby sometimes gets angry for no reason, atleast that's what i think because if i ask him he wouldn't say. And when offend him, i beg and apologize for days and weeks, but he wouldn't bulge. Its getting to months and its tiring. I see it as been childish. I have tried to get him to talk about these things but he wouldn't agree and its affecting our relationship because am beginning to get used to it which is seriously not good. In most cases, his reasons for getting angry might even be something not worth it and this makes it difficult for him to say it due to the fact that he will be ashamed of it.
I don beg and apologize tire even when i know what the issue is and when i don't know just for peace to reign. When he is tired, he snaps out of it but the zeal to make up is not there anymore because i keep counting down to the next misunderstanding. This current one has been on since the first week of july though he is tired of it now but am not just happy about it. My question is how do i go about this because its beginning not to affect me like it use to and this might destroy our home. I didn't ask for it. Meanwhile when he is like this, he dresses up and undresses in hiding. I don't allow him hide, i just leave the room for him. When he decides he is done, he starts flashing penis. Bikonu what do I do, aside from praying.
Pardon all typos biko
DeleteMadam, u are d architect of ur problem and thank God u were sincere enough to admit it. That shows u are serious in restoring what u have lost. One never knows d value of something until one loses it.
DeleteU took ur DH for granted and now it's paying off. Possibly d real reason why ur DH came back together wd u is for d sake of d child u both had together.
He agrees to everything u say bc he wants to avoid u and ur nagging. He just wants his peace. But all hope is not lost since he agreed to move back in. U can win him back.
But d question is: are u ready to wade tru d storms to get back ur man? If u are repentant and ur answer is yes then it's time u make amends by changing ur attitude. Stop taking DH for granted. Learn to appreciate him.
Forget about his GF. Focus on ur home. Listen more. Do everything in submission and love. Don't bother if he doesn't respond. Keep loving him. Love always wins. With time he will fall back in love wd u again.
Also never exclude d place of prayer. God can heal his heart, make him forgive u and restore him to u. Don't pester him, just love him. See if both of u can spend more time alone, like stella said, a vacation or something.
Show him how sorry u are and how willing u are to make ur marriage work. And pls keep ur marital business away from ur family. Telling family abt every goings on in ur marriage will NOT help ur marriage. If DH says he isn't comfortable wd something, pls get rid of it. Dats submission. If ur bad attitude brought out d worst in ur DH, den ur change of attitude can still bring out d best in him.
U can check my article 'why men cheat' in my blog mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com. I have something for u there. Do ur part and trust God to do d rest. It was ur fault ur marriage got dis bad but God is merciful. He wants u to be happy.
And if DH is reading dis pls forgive ur wife and give her a second chance. We all have our faults and we all make mistakes. A peaceful marriage is a beautiful thing. May God heal ur home.
Always choose righteousness.
Mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
My exact story and situation right now. Difference is I was willing to make it work n he wasn't. I have since moved on with close to 2 yrs of separation. I don't have feelings for him anymore and am not seeing anyone either. I have my peace of mind and I'm happier without him.
DeleteKia poster is so sincere!
DeleteY not go to ijebu ode or mama dolphin 2 tie him down?
I pray everything works out in your favour.
You need to get his attention first.
That's the problem with us! We keep taking what we have for granted until we lose it. I wouldn't start blaming u bcos the deed has been done. Your husband might still want u back but u have to try harder to make him fall in love with you again. Do those things u know he likes and don't push him too hard. Ask him for forgiveness and then leave the rest for God. U have to be patient, this will take a while. All the best...
DeleteHmmm! No time to give up in life on your desire. The only person that can give up and won't regret is who gave up at 70 years and 7days and morever he was to live for 70years, 7days and 1 second.
DeleteAm only trying to tell you not to give up.
Though you messed up the whole relationship and the highest mistake was allowing it to take a period of two years.
What you have to do is simple...get him talk to u. Tell him you still need the relationship and you want to know if he is ready to forgive you and let move on.
Tell him how much you've regretted your mistakes and you are just ready to amend.
Tell him how much you will appreciate if he fan tell you his position about this without hiding anything.
NOTE: if he said no, just accept your fate and move on...it means he already had a suitor and you can't expect him to betray her. just take it as your punishment.
If he finally show interest, then congratulations.
see: Top secret about marriage nobody will tell you before marriage
I swear,dis woman is not sincere. All her problem is the side chick. If she is truly sinvere,she won't be bothered about the chick having realize she is the foundation of the problem
Delete@crystal u r worrying too much. It won't destroy ur marriage in my opinion,just gv him d space he needs when he is angry. U begging and all that constantly wld just irritate him more in my opinion,apologise any tym it comes up but not constantly apologising. Also continue to gv him food and d rest. Stop stressing ursef. Me sha I dey gv am chance well. It isn't destroying any marriage it is just keeping our sanity.
DeleteSee winssssh without adequate character talking about praying and fasting.
ReplyDeleteNigerians are so religious that it baffles all the entire logic in my empire.
Gerrarahia mehn, shit.
Stubborn wife.
You get luck say no be me.
Taa shut your dirty mouth
DeleteMoney makes.......,
DeleteVery nice.
For the first time you speak like a man.
Before I use to think u were sensible, but I realised you are not even close to it. *hisses
DeleteOuch! Be nice..
DeleteU talk too much @money monger always feeling cool. I bet my left leg it's guys like u that washes their gfs panties.
DeleteMadam try and be extra nice to ur husband, I bet he still loves u for him to move back in. About sex,don't wait for him to make d 1st move go to him.... if not na conji go kee u o and pls stop nagging, he complained about it and u're still doing it. Pls stop it. Swallow ur pride and really really apologise to him, and u have to be submissive cos from ur write up don't think u are. Another thing, drop ur stubbornness, he's tired of all d arguments that's y he doesn't say anything when u start. If not u're going to lose him to his new chic. Praying and fasting won't help u if u're still d nagging and complaining wife u are, u have to want to change for prayers to start working. So u allow ur family members resolve issues between u guys? Hmmm..... U are d one with d problem not ur husband. Please change.
Shut that hole in your face you call a mouth you imbecile! !
DeleteLoooooool.... I agree with you MMYFLOWWS..
DeleteThis guy is an idiot, a big one at that! Fuck off! You bloodless nuisance . You get brain at all???
DeleteYou all are stupid for cussing out MMMFLOWWS..What he wrotenis the truth.I dunno why u people cuss when not necessary.Frustrated peeps everywhere..
DeleteMadam poster u ar every rude,stubborn and not a wife material.U know it
U HAVENT EVEN CHANGED A BIT
U called ur husband's MAIN CHIC(u are d side chic sef) to cuss her out to leave ur man.Was she there when u threw ur husband out and went fucking around for two years? Pls she did not snatch ur man..Change ur ways.Ur character is not good..Ur husband came back bcos of his child..He will still move out again if u dont learn to be submissive..If he moves out again,bet me,he wont come back again..
Mtcheeeeeewwww!
Madam poster, you need to work on yourself. First get born again, start going to a living chuch, buy the book 'Love and Respect', read it, ask the holy spirit for understanding. Change your ways. Control your tongue. Keep your family members out of your marriage and then Pray. You can't have a useless character and tell me you are praying for your marriage to work. God is a God of principles. God bless you.
DeletePoster,your husband does not want you again...
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious nau...
Move on jare,get a rich boyfriend if you are still slim and sexy...
You will soon hear the bombshell when he will tell you that his sidechick is pregnant...
You always say it like it is. Gbam!
Delete@qeen, you sound more like a loser, winners don't quit easily but losers do without fight.
DeleteI like your sincerity. Have you tried a heart to heart with your husband? Please Give it a shot.
ReplyDeleteDid you really have to refer to her as a ho, Stella?
DeletePoster, Stella just spoilt d whole thing for you. If your hubby is on here, he no go gree.
I love her sincerity too. Madam keep talking to your husband. Ask him why he came back. I believe with proper communication you'll know your stand or which way forward.
DeletePoster All hope is not lost since your husband took you in again. I advice you to sit him down and discuss with him. Pray first so that the Holy Spirit can take control. Pour out your heart to him and tell him how sorry you are and that you want to start all over again. Stop harassing the side chic and focus on your husband. Ask God to give you a better attitude and prove to your husband that you have truly changed.
DeleteI also love your sincerity.
DeleteOne grows or matures with experience. There's hope all things work together for good.
Apologize again and pray now for restoration of your marriage.
Wisdom will be supplied and you need to ork on your worth live yourself and you be able to love your husband.
Fast and pray meditate book of John consistently. A chapter a day. God bless
Abeg Stella don't call her a HOE, even d woman refrained from insulting her.D man must hv kicked off with d chick after/durin d separation.
ReplyDeleteMadam, now's d time for that counselling. Gonna take a while for him to come around so seek professional help, pray, love and b patient
Are you minding Stella?
DeleteNow that she continues to see a man who has moved in with his wife, she is a hoe! Poster, your hubby may want to teach you a lesson. God will give your marriage a permanent fix.
DeleteThank you jare, they probably got together during their separation, she is not a HO. To the wife, you need to stop snooping and calling the other woman. More of actions than prayers will work here. It will take a long while to get your husband back that is if you will. Quit the nagging and whining and all the other things he has complained about. Take his moving back home as an advantage over other woman and strive to be the good wife. Make him see that you are the better option. I am just advising cos left for me I would say you have lost your husband.
DeleteSee dem 'HOs' husband snatchers @Observer n Quicksilver. Tueh!
DeleteDon't mind Stella! She sounds like a disgruntled house wife sometimes!!!
DeleteUh.. please excuse me, she is a HO. The man is married, not divorced. Only separated. A good, responsible girl should not enter into a relationship with such a person, is it not common sense to know that you are only aiding the marriage to fall apart?
DeleteA man is having marital problems and is separated from his wife, you jump in and try to build a life with him, a married man o!
Wo, you are a ho.
Deep sigh. I'm in a similar situation now I hope it all ends well. You'd get your husband back by the grace of God just stay strong and hopeful
ReplyDeleteStay strong too, lady Ross.
DeleteKnow someone going through the same too but the hubby's no longer interested. She's praying, fasting and hoping. She's so emaciated now, I'm so scared for her.
DeleteSigh*
May God fix your homes
Lady rose,
DeleteAre you a stubborn,
are you a nag?
If you are,
Serve you right.
Stella, why call the side chick a Ho ? Was it her fault?
ReplyDeleteIt's the husband's fault but he isn't dating himself naa, abi?
DeleteShe is a HOE bcos I believe she knew that the man is back with his wife and she is still keeping in touch!
DeleteDesperate much#
She will die by fire!
I'm just wondering why he agreed to move back into the house if he had already moved on....why didn't he just tell her he wants a divorce instead of torturing her this way?
DeleteWhen I say many of the girls on Stella's blog are desperate ashewos u people will insult. See them, awon quicksilver et al.... Side chicks marking register pschew. May the wrath of ***fall on all u home wreckers
DeleteHe moved back prolly bcos of their child together.
DeleteHave a sincere talk with him no tantrums no fake tears. Ask him if he still wants to be with you sincerely not because of family or church emotional blackmail.
ReplyDeleteThat is the starting point of healing. If he doesn't want to be with you please have the courage to move on no need flogging a dead horse
This is a beautiful advice. Poster do just as dis anon. Has said
DeleteThe man doesn't want to. No chemistry or conversation with his wife. He kept mute during the confrontation, he agrees to everything she says.... these are all signs of someone who has lost it. He is probably just there cos of their child. It would be very hard to rekindle what they had before. But try this anon's advice, you would know what to do afterwards.
DeleteIn addition, please know a marriage is between two willing partners, only you and him can decide to make it work, if he doesn't want to be there please don't force him. Stop calling any other woman.
DeleteOnly two of you can make the marriage work . Note I said two of you, not you crying and begging and him moving on
Exactly! !! This is the best way to go in this particular situation.
DeleteMadam, stop painting your man as if he is d fault. You are more of the fault than him. Why must you allow your family into your marriage? For your husband to be complaining about you nagging, then u are actually nagging.
ReplyDeleteThunder fire you there! Did the man not marry her from a family? Stupid
DeleteIf you read that piece carefully, you'd figure she faulted herself more, why add to it dear?!
DeletePoster I figured you can be stubborn hence the treatment from your husband. He's tired of your wahala that's y he's out there to find peace.
Be submissive, do all he says with no objection, that won't make u a fool. When u make a man feel less than himself, this is what u get.
How do u get him back? Buy him gifts, surprise him with his fav dishes, drop notes in his pocket before he goes out, begin to dress sexy(don't make it too obvious o bcos ur body don full) n lastly, put your issues in Gods hand n all will be well.
Ps; why u dey disturb the side chic, u are putting fuel in d fire.
She already accepted dat she was d major cause of d issue.. Sm pple won't read n assimilate before dey av d 'brain to hand' malfunction. Deres nofn wrong wt encouraging a fallen woman. Haba!
DeleteStupid idiot, reading without comprehension.
DeleteIdiot did you read well at all.she wasn't blaiming just the husband. She said they are both at fault. The whole blame sef was on her so why will you just attact her that way. Anofia
DeleteAnon 15:39, this Mind set is the reason why many marriages have problems in Africa. Bible recommends that a man leaves his family & friends and be clinged unto his spouse.
DeleteMany ladies get married and still cling to their family & friends thereby ruining the marital bond. Any real lover craves exclusivity. Ladies should realize that you can help your people without seeing them 247, they should also be weary of family and friends who wants to eat and drink whatever she takes in her husband's house. Na winch behavior be that.
Value your spouse and the family you have started above any other person for there lies your happiness and future. A word is enough .....
Scoffer whatever, next time read with understanding. She blames herself more.
DeleteSpot on!
DeleteWho is this goat? Can't u read? Ode and sure u had f9 in English.....go back, read then come back and comment again
DeleteNothing to type
ReplyDeleteYou caused d all issues and u also made him go out to search for anoda luv,Mai advice is too pray and make him see u have really changed.
ReplyDeleteI don't think she's a side ho, the space was open when she came in. I wish you the best but in my opinion I think your husband has moved on but for the sake of not wanting to be stubborn he came back. And please work on your temper and general attitude your write up has summarized your personality. The Lord fix your home, amen.
ReplyDeleteGbam, she really has to work on herself
DeleteSo, are you telling me that if you met a man who had issues with his wife and was separated, you would jump in and try to have the man for yourself?
DeletePlease, note that separation is not divorce. The man is still a married man.
Stupid woman u deserve what u got, y call d side chick when u practically drove ur hubby into d arms of another woman. Move on already cos he doesn't love u anymore
ReplyDeleteAre u for real! Are u the side babe? cos I don't understand y u are this bitter even as a lady no sympathy for a fellow woman like u SMH did u miss the part where she admitted to her flaws or is it so difficult for u to comprehend
DeleteNobody is perfect and I applaud her because she seems to have learnt from her mistakes she just wants her man back and I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Love doesn't and cannot die. We must realize that for the sake of our sanity.
DeleteAdunni, are you just realizing that angelray has some psychosis issue with herself? If someone can send a memo in to praise herself, acting like a man then you should know this one is dysfunctional
DeleteAngel Ray na person? Frustrated human lashing out at humanity thru this blog.....abeg no be we cause your predicament oh.....keep praying and baba God will turn your situation around......weree alasho
DeleteStella has said it all....the only problem wif ur marriage is for u guyz 2 go on vacation...cut off communication from nuisances...and that's it.
ReplyDeleteI can recommend SEYCHELLES for ur vacation, tho low budget place but filled with lots of healing BALM.I can attest 2 that babe.
Wish u well!
So Seychelles is a "low budget place " ? I bow to u o, rich one! Una lies for this blog fit raise the dead.
Delete@baylow,
DeleteLmaoo.
No mind them.Pretenders everywhere
Lmao
DeleteNo be only vacation. Did you miss the part where she mentioned that there is no conversation between the two of them? Poster, it's a step at a time. Don't jump to vacation yet...
DeleteSeychelles Na low budget holiday destination?
DeleteYou must have been sleeping on the beach at Praslin... And feeding on coconuts too.
If holidaying on a budget, then Seychelles is not an option. It's a beautiful country with amazing beaches but it comes at a costly price.
DeletePoster You cld try a couple weekend getaway with no fones somewhere in naija (perhaps that Inagbe resort. Haven't been there but hear it's nice)
Baylow it's low budget to some people. Though some people tell outrageous lies on this blog but when you are at a certain level, places like Seychelles, zanzibar, maldives etc will look like ikeja in your eyes. They have upgraded to the level of borabora , isla de sa ferradura, musha cay and co.
DeleteHmm
ReplyDeletePoster may God heal ur home dear.
DeleteHmmmm dis one pass me o. Married ones Ngwa over to u guys.
ReplyDeleteThis thing called "Marriage"
ReplyDeleteI fear who no fear Marriage,I did not say Wedding o.
I need to read "Chronicle of hope", too much "chronicle of Narratives" in my system.Now,that's not healthy at all
How is she a Ho? Was she dating him while he was still together with his wife?
ReplyDeleteShe met him on a neutral ground, so what crime has she committed? Nawah for you!
Quicksilver are you the side chic?
DeletePlease leave them to sort their problems and look for a single man to date!
If you are dating a married man that hasn't fully divorced his wife, (even if they are separated for 100yrs) you are a SIDE CHIC!
DeleteGod bless you, Jane Kraine.
DeleteMay God help ur home. Good to know u took part of the blame unlike sm chronicles we ve read here. He agreed to move back in so derz hope like stella has said. Be strong
ReplyDeleteMadam
ReplyDeleteDats the problem with you women.
Constant nagging.
Shamelessness
Rudeness.
and foolishness.
Shebi u pursue him comot for house.
Why are u annoyed that he found love elsewhere?
Why cant u be a strong independent woman now?
And u money maker, am sure you don't have siblings or will never be married. Is it a man that gave birth to you?
DeleteEeeya just keep praying & stop calling the side chick.He will come around.
ReplyDeleteEeyahh!
ReplyDeleteFrom your narrative, your husband was patient enough.
I mean,who still involves third parties in marital misunderstandings?
And then you let your stubborness get in the way,even when he was willing to work things out.
It won't be easy trying to get him back at all, especially when there's someone else in the picture.
Does he feel anything for you at all, or is he just with you out of pity or because of your child?
That's one thing you have to find out.
Some women don't understand that threatening their significant other 's side lover only breeds resentment and makes things worse.
You've got to pour out your heart to your husband.
You've got to let him know that you've truely learnt the hard way,and deserve another chance.
You're his wife, you should know how to get his attention,even if it's for a few hours.
I just hope that things work out fine between you both, and that he's not planning to marry this other babe.
Abeg,my fellow women, don't let things escalate in your relationships before you do something about it.
Side chicks are not smiling, and they have soft bosoms,listening ears and shoulders to cry on.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Sometimes third parties can actually be of help. Wisdom demands that we know when and how to use them
DeleteLol @ 'soft bosoms'
DeleteHonestly lady from ur article u re d only one to blame! First! U should never allow anyone interfere in ur marriage, even if u feel it's not bad for ur mum to settle ur differences, he doesn't like u exposing his weaknesses to your family and friends so stop! Secondly if u want him to see this post then u vnt learnt ur lesson cos u are still bringing his story outside and that can make him even more upset! Thirdly u invited the side chick by giving him the impression u ve moved on! Last but not the least I advice u read this book, men are from Mars, women are from Venus, it helped me a lot! And like aunty Stella said, try and focus on the both of u.. try and be his friend, while u work on Urr attitude, slip in some condoms in his bags, don't challenge him, if u really love ur husband, he wud come around cos love always win! Don't let tthe other woman win! Pray for her dat her husband shld locate her so she can leave urs alone
ReplyDeleteHello Poster
ReplyDeleteLuckily for you, the coin fell on the good side and I say this cos when a woman falls out of love....she's as good as gone forever but with men, we tend to have those strands of memory which connects us regardless of how disconnected our union has turned out, the only missing link is the intensity...so hang on, we can strike a fire by one last rub of the stones.
I'll thread on Stella's path....take a vacation with him to a place un-familiar to both of you, preferably a place you guys hv always wanted to visit....depend on yourselves for direction, site seeing and fun games....gradually gain eachothers trust by exploring places together and getting yourselves on track when you guys veer off....on one of your dinner time, get talking....be subtle, gentle n pls dnt cry so u won't influence the raw truth coming from him.
from his words and actions during the get-away, I believe you'll strike a basis for a decision to stay or to move on. Its difficult but give it your best short and always pray to God for His divine revelation, so you can walk in the path which God has destined for you. Cheers
Li-yon Vls.
Too much oyinbo films! Take a vacation take a vacation what if they can't afford a vacation right now??????
DeletePlease stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. It's his job to keep your home, your only job is to help him. If you feel disconnected, don't push it, allow him choose who he wants to be with. He has no right to complain about the people in your life, God actually put them there for a reason. Does he want you to be a loner? Please it should be your happiness over his. He is actually waiting for you to tell him that it's over, don't!
ReplyDeleteYou should also know that he will get tired of the other woman, he should be praying seriously that you will still be around when he is ready to have his family back. It is not your fault that he is a fidel, he didn't try hard enough to make his home.
Dear poster's hubby and side chick, una wel done oh
Poster if you listen to this anon, e don be for you be that. Just forget about your home. Be wise and God for constant direction, it might tarry.
DeleteSincerely keeping marital issues can be difficult unless its not a serious one. I've tried not involving third parties in my marital issues and ended up bn hypertensive. I had my second baby thru Cs bcos of this.
DeleteSo poster, family members are there for a reason. Better to share ur probs with family members than frenemies. Ur mistake is, don't ever let ur hubby know whoever u share ur prob with. Just pour out ur mind to a close family friend so u won't run mad. Leave settling to God and hubby. If ur husband wants u, he will fight and make d marriage work.
Btw, he moved in back cos he assumed u are the first wife and the other woman has accepted to be a second wife. That's y ur call to her did not affect their relationship.
So make up ur mind that u r 2 already of leave. The decision is urs!
See ur stupid advise. So God didn't put her husband in her life for a purpose? Mtchewww. Madam poster, u said u called the side chick and threatened her? Lol. If it was me, I for show u pepper. She met ur husband when he was 'free'. She has no business with u. Face ur husband and make him happy again. He'll willingly leave the side chick immediately he feels complete with u again. Confronting the side chick won't help at all, instead the man will go out more with her. Women, learn
DeleteLike this anonymous said, stop blaming yourself. There is a way men act and affect you to the point that you start blaming yourself for what went wrong. It is called emotional abuse....Until you start telling yourself that it is not your fault, you will not find peace with yourself. The only person that can make you happy is yourself and when you are happy, other people around you start feeling it and the attraction builds.
DeleteBeen there, done that and wearing the Tshirt. I didn't tell my family anything but he believed I did until the physical abuse started and I had to tell them what's going on. Suddenly, it's turned around that I tell them everything. Now I don't say anything or contribute as I used to and he has started telling my friends that never knew anything about my home just because he wants settlement but can't tell me himself.
I am a lot happier because I choose to be because i stopped depending on other people including my husband for my happiness and he is even scared that I might leave anytime. Tables are now turned☺
Poster please do not listen to this anon. It is also your job to keep your home. Stop involving third parties into your marriage. Hian anon! Smh..
DeleteWhoever you are I love you like kilode!!! Asin I don't get this men sometimes if the are the ones at fault the will expect you to just forgive like that and continue living like nothing happened,madam the fact is that we are of different temperament(s),we should not agree on everything so if you continue annoying me,i will nag and if I'm not happy I will leave,take care of my son n myself..no wonder women get so older fast..always pleasing men..the fact you came back with your son to him should gladden his heart and make him apologise for being so annoying..ask him if he has found peace with that other lady..if yes..just leave..empower yourself..my friend keep yourself busy let that boy be proud of his momma,if you find love again then o.k..exercise,,diet,,and be positive with your life..you can't chase and fight for a man..be chased yourself!!!
DeleteYou Nigerians like the word pray, yet na una sin pass... Woman work on yourself and see d miracle and if not say bye bye after all you threw him out..
DeletePoster pls dont listen to dis anon 15;34 and her likes..I swear she is ur husband's side chic.Yes its only a woman that wanta u to leave ur marriage for her that will write dis crap..She wants u out of d way..Take her advice at ur own risk..
DeleteShe is a frustrated aunty gwegs looking for a married woman to lure out of her marriage just to be like her..
No responsible married woman will advice u like this..Dont listen to all these frustrated hoes on dis blog.
Tomorow na dem go full SINGLE AND MINGLE looking for husband up and down..U read how they sent stella private mail requesting for Mr James number(d chronicle guy two days ago).
I've been married for over 10good years..d key to a lasting marriage is women being submissive to their husbands..Bible even talk am..Make hay while d sun shine.
Stop telling family or others about your problems. .. talk it out with ur hubby
ReplyDeleteI'm a newly wed i know the struggle but the best thing u can do is communicate effectively and be more tolerant pray for self control over every matter and yes as women we have the tendency to nag.. watch it maam
I feel your pain my dear. Sit down with him and confront your fears. If he still into the marriage he will tell you and you both can work it out. If he is drained and done, then move on. I pray that God will fix your marriage in Jesus name, Amen.
ReplyDeleteWe learn everyday in my marriage, you have learnt your own in a bitter way but you can still work things out, after two years of separation he is back in the house then he has not really move on. Just give him time to heal up of every wound you guys have inflicted on each other's emotion and all will be well.
ReplyDeleteJust show him more love, pray hard l, change in all ways you need change to make him love, forget about the other woman and live like she is not there even when it hurts till God is glorify. It will end in praise.
Don't keep crying because of mistake.Learn from it and move on.Stop blaming yourself over things you have no control over.Past is foregone... The present is aleatory,for the freaking why to waste the ravishing time
ReplyDeleteBabe, its time for u to toast & court your hubby afresh. He needs to see that you won't send him packing again if there's another issue. You need to work on yourself, you want your husband back yet you're thinking of giving up, your attitude needs some works too. You need to start from the beginning, give it your all, beg if you may. The most important - let him know hes loved and cherished. Take him out, buy gifts, send him msgs. You av alot to do dear. God help you.
ReplyDelete@money makes Whr is SEYCHELLES send d location details
ReplyDeleteGoogle is ur bestie.
DeleteStella easy on ur insults....how is she a Ho? The babe has no fault here...madam talk to ur husband and if he still gives u d silent treatment,then is time to talk to ur lawyer
ReplyDeleteI like your honesty alot cos you know what your faults are thou its kinda late. My advice is that if you know you are still in love with your hubby and you really want him back you need to change for good. Talk to him dont nag. Calmly tell him how you feel and that you are ready to make things work this time let him know you know he's seeing someone else and you just wish things will be back to the way it was in the begining. Throw away your pride. Like stella said go on a vacation even if its just weekends. Be sexy be sweet . In a nutshell change your ways and be prayerful.
ReplyDeleteNawah
ReplyDeleteIt is really funny seeing all these female blog visitors turning compassionate here. If it were a man, they would have insulted him and told him that he got what he bargained for. HYPOCRITES!!!
ReplyDeleteBV, he wanted to work on the marriage but you kicked him out of your house. I am sure one of those "friends" or "family" of yours advised you to do that. And they hailed you when you succeeded in humiliating and emasculating the father of your son. While hailing you, they were enjoying their own relationships. Now you see that you shortchanged yourself and you want him back. He is back, and he is not complaining, as it was what drove you to kick him out in the first place. This is the situation with many girls of our time and clime who think the sun rises and sets in their behind. The Igbo's have a saying, "Nwanyi nenia di ya, ike akpoo ya nku (Literally: When a woman neglects her husband, her backside will dry out).
However, I have no right to judge you because of the candour with which you bared your soul. It shows you are deeply repentant for bringing a third party into your marriage. I feel your pain my sister, and because of that, I promise you my prayers of healing and restoration.
If you are Igbo, tell your Dad to invite your Father and Mother-in-laws to your house. Make sure your husband is available that day. Go to the market and buy a big fowl and make some egusi soup and pounded yam. Serve them with it and kneel down and apologise to your husband, only in front of your parents and his parents. Ask for a new chapter in the marriage. Never accuse him of having a side chick. When all the elders have talked and encouraged you two to make up, then the onus lies on him to stop what he has on the side with the side chick and return to a proper married life because not doing so will make tradition and every created thing against him. We all have consciences.
I know some people will advise you here to move on and forget him, but don't give up on your marriage so easily, because you made the vow before God and man "till death do you part."
God be with you.
100 BILLION LIKES..U have said it all!
DeleteBest advice so far.
DeleteYou're a darling Archer for this comment. If you reside within surulere, call me for I have a cake gift for you. This is the kind of person to seek advice from. Pls poster do as Archer said only both parents and mend your ways, be nice to your hubby's mother and sisters esp. The first daughter, those that can bend him, those that can ask him to stand and he will. Only his family pls exclude your as much as possible.
DeleteGod will not forsake you, be a little nicer, loving and upgrade yourself. Look and dress more stylish, make your home inviting by cleaning up and making good food. Look sexy and show more interest in him, his work. Don't suffocate him by being over loving! Give him space to seek you. Do every thing gracefully asking God for direction always. When praying with him ask God to bless him abundantly.
God take control.
ReplyDeleteMadam:u ve to pray hard dis is nt the time to give up.some ladies can't jst keep quiet @ any small issue dey have wt dia husby dey will start calling everybody.he is ur husband u shld be able to talk to him nd understand eachoda.I pity d man sha u don expose him finish to ur family that he has to move out of d house.it is well wt u nd pls leave d side chick out of it nd face ur hubby dey might nt even be dating.Save ur marriage wt everytin u ve have.U CAN DO IT
ReplyDeleteWhy did u allow 2 years separation if you still want the marriage?You allowed the devil into your home but it's not too late for God to fix.You said you have fasted and prayed.Then wait!!!God is not a magician.He will fix it in his own time.Read about the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. If you can have these fruits,your marriage will work.Fight your battles on your knees,stop questioning your hubby or calling the side chic.The side chic will soon go don't worry.Try and sow the seeds of love into your husband's life,you will see results soon.Please don't give up.I pray true love returns back to your home.
ReplyDeleteAlso,you need to stop telling your family members everything that happens in your marriage.Stop telling friends as well.Talk to God about it not people.It is well dear.
Dont mind her..It took her a whole two years to realise her faults and ask for reconcilliation.Stubborn and arrogant women everywhere just like dat rude bitch bv called Chocomilo who did d same and still want her husband back after she don sleep around for good two years..I smh for some women.
DeleteThis is what happens when you take a walk from your marriage.
ReplyDeleteMOVE ON! He's good as gone. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI have no pity for you ma. I'm sorry but I don't. Enough praying and calling the other lady. Sit down, calculate and work on your character.
ReplyDeleteMadam to win back your husband, show him that he is the most important person in your life. By this you will suck him in, because this will boost his ego. Do this if you are desperate of saving your marriage.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, u drove ur hubby into anoda woman's harms. Aw i wish u wer' lyk me, even wen I know dh is cheating I dnt call d chick neither do I complain I only see it as sometin dt doz not exits. Just bcoz I dnt want to die young while I v 2beautiful adorable s to watch ova.
ReplyDeleteEverybody is not the same and can't handle the same situation the same way..
DeleteHonestly, u drove ur hubby into anoda woman's harms. Aw i wish u wer' lyk me, even wen I know dh is cheating I dnt call d chick neither do I complain I only see it as sometin dt doz not exits. Just bcoz I dnt want to die young while I v 2beautiful adorable s to watch ova.
ReplyDeleteChisox fix this
ReplyDeleteAnd who is chisox?
DeleteDear Poster, No need blaming yourself anymore. Ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to give you the wisdom to get your Husband back. God can do all things. Hold on there is always sunshine after rain
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious he loves you more than whoever he is seeing on the side. He is just still heartbroken, hurt and afraid of what might happen. Him coming back to the marriage is proof he wants to try again but not without you putting in work. I will recommend you have a heart to heart talk with him. Ask him to come with you on a trip to somewhere remote so he will have very limited and expensive Internet or call charges.
ReplyDeleteBring your A game out.
Also stop placing the majority of blame on yourself. I believe you've done that enough. You keep it up he will just keep expecting you ONLY to fix things. He has goodness in him for not having sex with two women in a particular period. So be glad you are not in a Web of infections if it were to arise.
BEFORE YOU HAVE THE TALK WITH HIM.
I know you said you've prayed but let's try a different way of praying. Start doing midnight prayers to his hearing. Not on the bed next to him o. The next room or toilet will be fine. Do it sincerely. Tell God how you love your husband, how you are willing to make things better, and how you yearn for him and miss him. Talk in honesty about your marriage and how things went wrong, and also what you wished he your husband had done differently. More things will come out by this stage in your prayer.
Pray the next prayers privately.
Tell God you understand that your husband sought comfort in the arms of another woman during your separation and though you do not judge him for then, you believe it is time for it to end. Tell God to turn the heart of that woman or any other that may arise, away from your husband. That he should give them their own spouses or something to selfishly occupy their hearts, mind, soul and body.
Declare and decree that your husband's heart and manhood will stop responding to anyone else but you. Anyone, be it male, female, friends or family whose aim is to put you two asunder should be removed and prevented from your lives. That he should begin to create havoc in their relationships, that he should not find peace with anyone who doesn't facilitate peace in your marriage or you. YES! if your spouse has a friend who is a threat to your Union, that friendship should end. If your spouse has a friend who doesn't like you, that friendship should cease to exist. Beg God to continously play any happy moments you two shared in his mind 24/7. Let him crave your scent, your company and smile. Let these prayers become a permanent part of your weekly routine.
As you are doing these prayers, keep your home peaceful and welcoming. Take care of the children and keep yourself busy. Be cordial and welcoming to him but don't impose yourself on him. I give you less than two weeks and you will testify. Good luck.
Wetin ds one Dey write biko..ds one pass article.
DeleteNoo she wont do all these.She is too arrogant to be submissive..Her post reeks of it.
DeleteFoolish anon 22:28
DeleteLearn to read long articles. It change your life. Oloshi
Why should DH touch you when you have messed yourself up with different men? Mtcheeew..You came back because those men refused to marry you abi? Madam your DH has moved on, do same! Now you want your home back because he has found a girl that treat's him well.
ReplyDeleteJust like in the IHN of a few days ago. A so called married woman cheating with a married man that his wife is in Europe, she cook's in her kitchen give's good fuck to the married man while she and her DH sleep in different rooms, tomorrow this same woman will write SDK chronicle of how a side chick is threatening her marriage..
ReplyDeleteEbele Ebele! Ashawo kobo kobo! Bloody home wrecker! You're a coward and a shameless goat! May amadioha strike u dead in that London you're with another's husband. You should cover your dirty ugly face in shame. If u know your mother is your mother call her na, shebi you live with them and u know so much! Anuofia! Onye oshi. Bloody liar! Begging for husband, home wrecker! May your life be scattered and destroyed as you put that family apart. Barao!
DeleteSide ho or no side ho... you put the man out and went back to beg him to return after 2 years why I don't follow and he came back maybe cos of d son.. somethings are better left the way dey are...summary story for the gods..next please.. AL
ReplyDeleteLord have mercy.
ReplyDeleteStella nwunye Korkus seems lyk d words Ho n Bitch gives u orgasm... kontinue!
ReplyDeleteLord have mercy.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteBv The Observer: God bless u for dt comment of urs. U said my mind up dere.
Notwithstanding I just wanna tell d poster to b strong n hav faith. Her marriage dint fall apart in a day so she shud not expect it to rebuild in a day. Its gonna b a gradual process for d cupid"s arrow to arrange itsef again.
Hoping t read d poster"s chronicles of hope soon. In d meantime dear poster b good, stay on ur lane n stop calling dt chic ur hubby is intimate with @ d moment.
Cheers
Its well!
Everybody is talking about seychelles! Can anyone tell me if u need a visa to visit and d flight route pls? Tnks in advance!
ReplyDeleteToo many side chicks on this blog. See them defending. Stella is right, she is a ho. Is she not aware that the man is still married? As long as she is still in the picture,that marriage will never work out.
ReplyDeletePoster, sit your husband and ask him if he is back for real and not because of pressure from people. If he is,then both of you can go see a marriage counsellor and go on vacation and start afresh. If he says he is only back because of family talk or church, please take a walk else you will die of frustration trying to please someone that is gone.
I like you sincerity and I know you have learnt from this experience but channel this lesson into making yourself better and making yourself happy.
I wish you the best and i truly hope God fix your marriage.
There is a way to reach everybody after they've gone thru painful experiences. Its usually not as straightforward as we all make it here. Ordinary advice cannot heal victims of abuse of any sort.
ReplyDeleteThat's where professional help (therapy) or more importantly God's direction comes into place. Some people cannot come out of hurt easily. Those same people will come across certain wise people or actions and see every reason to leave their despondent state and live life afresh again.
A pained spouse has seen it all and most times it is the negative characteristics of the other half that occupies a larger percentage of such a person's heart.
That's where the work comes in because winning back such a person is more difficult than wooing them initially when there wasn't enough information to make the choice of accepting the relationship in the first place.
Poster, Only a deep understanding of your man's inner working will help you. If not you will press all the wrong button and drive him further. Same goes for women too.
For instance, what if he's the type that doesn't like to talk, the he type who doesn't like to be begged or appealed to in a certain way, the type who is irritated by tears, your sexy lingerie may nauseate him (he never see your kpekus before), even the so-called vacation may drive you apart if he is not the type who fancies such or is not emotionally ready for it.
Sometimes it is not easy to change the minds of principled people unless your actions and arguments challenge the core of what they have decided to hold onto.
Women should understand that after that initial gragra a man does to win their heart and marry them, the attraction falls very fast unless there is something in you to keep them cherishing you. If you replace that thing with unwholesome attitude, the attraction dies faster. That's usually why some men feel caged and look outside for freedom. Women are usually more tenacious and accommodating, willing to make it work especially if there are children and only bow out when the men have become unbearable. The patience level is reducing nowadays though due to more empowerment. (Who do anyhow go see anyhow is some women's motto nowadays).
The following will work though:
1. Let him see you have changed
(he didn't ask for anything wrong as far as marriage is concerned cos too much closeness to friends and family and eben children can make some men feel irrelevant and unneeded. So they seek that relevance outside. No man enjoys been nagged or disrespected.
2. If you knew him well enough, you should know and remember his mumu buttons. Gradually and stealthily start pressing it until you can openly start hammering it.
PRAY! PRAY!! PRAY!!!
NB: The above may also apply to wining back strong willed women.
That was long mehnnnn. Phew!
Poster I hope your man has not succeeded in making you blame yourself? Some men are like that, at fault yet will make the woman feel quilts cos the woman builds her home......what kind of scenarios played out for him to say u always allow your family interfere? He is the head of the home and has a duty to keep his home...marriage is hard work from both parties.....I can bet your hubby has refused to admit any fault in this whole scenario and u are taking the blame for both of you......why did he come home if he is not ready? Did anyone force him? Do your part as a wife and amend areas you are at fault...have a heart to heart talk and know where u stand....if no change then move on......he cannot be in the same house and deny you sexually...how long can you endure? Marriage is not by force and u can't force love.....if it ain't working then move on.....life in this side of eternity is too short to be sad and sorry for too long....
ReplyDeleteTrue talk! Keeping it in can lead to high bp or madness. Keeping issues bottled up is not advisable in marriages. Its better to share ur issues with family members or marriage counsellor than frenemies
Deleteregrets are envitable and we are bond to make mistakes because we are human ,, let me tell you the situTION I FOUND MYSELF NOW, I WAS DOUBLE DATING ,on sunday i told both guys i have been cheating on them and had an abortion ,i confessed , most pple said that was a secret i was supose to take to my grave , the one i dont reallly love is ready forgave and stll wants me back but the one my hrt yeARns for doesnt want me again .... its crazy how life comes out but i hav told myself i will try my best nt to regret coming out plain
ReplyDeleteStella is just bin loyal to a fellow wife but there is no reason to call the other gal names. Although at this point the other gal shud know that he has moved on by moving back with his wife but who knows what it is he tells her?
ReplyDeleteDear husband's girlfriend, I hope u read this. Please have some dignity and move on regardless of the chemistry or what he tells u right now. You made a mistake by getting involved with a man who is married. He might have painted her in bad light but biko, leave him and pray for urs ko?
Dear wife, pls do not threaten the gal. She is in pain right now cos u won. Ur husband has moved back home and that means he is willing to work things out. Learn genuinely from ur mistakes and honor ur man as a good wife. Lastly, pray!
Dear Husband, let the single gal be biko and face the one you choose and work on ur home. No one has it easy. Who is to say the second gal will be better when u marry her? You need to work on urself too cos there is a reason why your wife changed.
All the best to parties involved.
What if the hubby wants to marry both of them and d gf is already in the know? Some girls don't mind marrying a married man. I think the poster should buckle up for polygamy lifestyle or leave!
DeleteDear Poster, u need to av a serious talk with ur husband, tell him u knw this whole situation was partially ur fault and ur ready to put ur all in ur marriage to go bk d way it used to be, then ask him if he's honestly willing to do d same. Hopefully he wud tell u d truth, if he says yes, u guys shd c a therapist, then go for a vacation together without ur fones for a week or so. But if he says no, then u shd move on with ur life alone, bcos there's nothing as painful as being in a loveless marriage. I wish u d best whatever d outcome is.
ReplyDeleteDose saying Stella is wrong 4 insulting d girl re d type dat sleeps wit married men and d worst part of it is dat u re all women, she's wrong 2 date d man sumtimes in marriage is gud 2 separate 4rm each other so u can value d marriage more. Y didn't d woman date a guy cos shes seperated . am so dissapointed.
ReplyDeleteI dislike it when I see a marrige for some silly things. It seems your husband has moved on to the other lady and just there for physical purpose, if even feel sorry for him because of the situation he is in right now. Two years is too long for you to now come back and want him, the separation should have been nothing more than 3 to 6 months. You both need to have a good conversation to know where you guys are heading and the situation with the other lady, you can go the best exotic holiday but without a solid conversation, it will be back to sqare one. You have to hold yourself together whatever the outcome.
ReplyDeleteI pray with you that it works out the best way for all that is involve.
ANON B
Add your voice to the discuss on achieving a better Nigeria. Hardcore jists. Visit
ReplyDeleteawakenigeria1.blogspot.com
When I was married I was looking so old and washed out !!! Cos of heartache from my ex ,after I left the marriage u need to see me shining like a diamond . Someone asked if I'd like to remarry I said no i only wanted a babysitter. Lmao . I'd rather have a babysitter than one useless dog in the form of a husband!!! Marriage na lucky dip . Sometimes even if turn your head upside down it won't work ,sometimes with little or no effort it'll work .cant stand men anymore .there only use is for breeding after that just go ur separate ways so u can live long .
ReplyDelete