We Lost The Battle But The War Is Not Over....

This sponsored post is an Initiative of Nordica Fertility Centre and once every week,you will read stories of women who have decided to tell their stories to encourage others who are trying to get pregnant as well.

Every woman can be a mother.....if it delays,dont give up

''I am writing my own infertility story not to get sympathy but to raise awareness.  I do not believe there is enough knowledge and awareness concerning infertility.  Although infertility is something that is meant to affect 1 in 4 couples, it often feels like you are the only couple going through all this pain and you feel isolated and lonely. 

I want people to hear my own story so that they can appreciate what some couples have to endure to become parents (something that most people have been able to take for granted) and also as a reminder for those couples in our position, that they are not alone.

When battling infertility, it is easy to forget that you are not going through the infertility nightmare alone.  I often forget to think about how my John, husband feels and it isn’t until we speak to our friends, families and loved ones and discover that they have been shedding tears for us, that we realise how much of an impact this is having on everyone else. 

It is now four years after our marriage and our journey into parenthood is still at starting point. John and I had always wanted to have a family (like most couples) but had waited to be fully prepared to deal with the huge responsibility that parenthood involved. 

I had decided, at a young age, that I wanted to have a family of my own and often thought about how exciting being pregnant must be. Perhaps it was because it was something I really wanted, but deep down, something had always made me imagine I would not be able to get pregnant.  But after spending years taking precautions against pregnancy, when the time came for to start trying for a family, I was so excited that I never gave my childhood fears a thought.  The prospect of finally embarking on such a miraculous and rewarding experience was overwhelming.

Unfortunately John and I were soon to find our morale and excitement was sharply deteriorating when after 12 months we had still not been able to get pregnant.  No one knew that we were trying for a family and we had been looking forward to surprising our family and friends with our good news, but we decided to tell them as we now felt we needed their support.  

We were given all sorts of advice from family, friends and our family doctor.  I started charting my basal temperature; I tried to avoid stress, changed jobs, got a driver and house help and of course “tried not to think about it!”

 After almost 15 months of trying our doctor referred us to the Gynaecology Outpatients Department of our local hospital and over the next eight months, I underwent abdominal examinations, numerous blood tests, vaginal swabs, countless examinations and even post-coital tests. 

There was no more privacy in our lives. We were told how and when to have sex, what to eat or not eat, and what to think about and what to talk about fertility. I was probed, prodded, inspected and examined more times than I could count  and I believe more doctors and fertility specialists have probably seen me naked more times than my husband has. It was a very testing time and the waiting period between each appointment appeared to drag for eternity.

 At the end of one year, John and I felt the need to take control of other areas of our married life and strive to achieve our other ambitions.  We had been talking about going on an extended “summer” holiday for a while and decided this was probably the best time for that trip.

Without much ado, we opted to take the opportunity to travel to Europe for at least a couple of months, to which everyone, even our doctor, replied “maybe you’ll come back pregnant”. My Amen was resounding.

 We had a marvellous time abroad; I relaxed completely and enjoyed the 2^nd honeymoon. But I did not get pregnant. On our return from our travels, yet again, before we were given our next hospital appointment, at which more blood tests were carried out and I was put on the waiting list for a laparoscopy.  The laparoscopy test was eventually carried out several weeks later. 

 We had our final hospital consultation a couple of months afterwards and the doctors came up with the same old diagnosis - unexplained infertility. They confirmed that having carried out all possible investigations; they had not found any abnormalities. We were referred for IVF treatment even though we expressed our feelings that it would be nice if we could fall pregnant naturally, but were willing to try anything. The doctor replied that we would have plenty of time to keep trying. John and I made enquiries and found that we were able to pay privately for an IVF cycle and we commenced our first emotional rollercoaster ride of IVF treatment. 

Luckily the IVF treatment went according to plan, however the hardest part was yet to come – playing the “waiting game”, where each day feels like a week and each hour like a full day. After we had undergone the egg collection we had to wait until the next evening to find out if any eggs had fertilized successfully.  We then had to wait a further two days to find out if the fertilization process had continued.  Thankfully it did and we attended the clinic to have two embryos transferred.  Following the transfer we then had to wait an agonising two weeks until the pregnancy test.

Success! There was a positive pregnancy test two weeks later. Then, however, we had to wait a further agonizing two weeks until the pregnancy scan at which we were relieved to see a foetal heart beat present.  

But it was premature celebration. Our hopes were soon shattered.   When attending our local hospital for our 12 week scan we were to be told that the pregnancy had not continued developing and there was no longer a heartbeat.  We had been so excited at the prospect of  leaving the hospital with a picture of our beautiful 12 week old foetus that I could not believe that in fact not only did we not get that picture, but we were to leave knowing that our baby was no longer alive.  I am not able to put into words how John and I felt at this time. It was to be another two weeks before I miscarried. 

So it was back to the drawing board. We had run out of money and needed time to save up to pay for another cycle.  Yet our lives had to go on. We needed to concentrate on other ambitions.  John moved to a bigger job and I prepared to go back to school.  

Later that year, we discovered we could afford the less-invasive treatment of Intra-Uterine Insemination (IUI). This treatment involves daily self-administered injections (to stimulate the ovaries to produce follicles); regular blood tests to check hormone levels and scans to check the number of follicles.  A further injection is then given to promote ovulation and semen is then placed into the uterus at the time of ovulation.  Unfortunately after three attempts we were still unsuccessful, and two months later, we embarked on another IVF cycle.

For the second time our IVF treatment was a success and we had a positive pregnancy test by middle of December.  However, our hopes of becoming parents were, once again, shattered when we attended our eighth week pregnancy scan a month later, to find that a foetal heart beat could not be found.

The next day, I was booked in for an evacuation (D&C) which is a surgical procedure to remove contents of the uterus, so that extensive tests could be carried out on the aborted pregnancy.  The test results all came back ‘normal’.  This was good news but still meant that we still had no answers as to why I wasn’t getting pregnant naturally or why I was miscarrying.

 Fortunately there were eight embryos suitable for freezing following this latest IVF cycle, so we commenced our first ‘Frozen Embryo Cycle’ by March.  The Frozen Embryo Cycle does not involve any drugs, just regular blood tests to pin-point ovulation so that an embryo can be thawed and placed in the uterus at the correct time. 

I went for blood tests six days out of eight until finally there was signs of ovulation and I could be given a time to attend for the embryo transfer.  Following the transfer we were back to playing the “waiting game” for two weeks until the dreaded pregnancy blood test.  I was very emotional the day prior to the test and was thinking of not attending, but was eventually convinced that it was best to find out either way sooner rather than later.  My worst fears were confirmed. The test came back negative. Our infertility journey continues.

Following the negative pregnancy test I found it harder than ever to pick myself up and find my usual “positive attitude”.  I feel very tired, defeated and emotionally drained and I am often very unwilling or unable to concentrate on anything else.  But the struggle continues because I’m not giving up. We have only lost one IVF battle, not the infertility war.

Although this has been a very emotional, painful and frustrating journey, we are now at least in a position to say that we are where we want to be.  I know that there are others worse off than us and this helps to prevent us feeling sorry for ourselves, but to keep fighting for what we want.  I would never have pursued my dream job if I had become pregnant straight away and I doubt that we would ever have managed to visit Australia, let alone emigrate here. 

The question John and I find most heartbreaking is being asked “Do you have children?” It is really painful that after all this time we can only answer “No”.

 If the conversation then allows us to mention the fact that we have been trying for a family for over six years, people always respond by saying “It will happen when you least expect it” and try to offer advice.  Even as this advice is well-meant it does not help one little bit and actually causes further frustration. 

We have tried our best to get pregnant and failed. But I am not tired of trying. We have lost some battles, but the war is not over. John and I are not tired. We are determined to have our own family eventually and I’m just hoping this story can help ignite some fighting spirit in other couples in our position and inspire them to keep trying, but also to remember to take control of other aspects of their life as this is surely what has helped us get this far''. 

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