Saturday In House Gists....

Here's Presenting the first half of the in house gists,i will post the second half tomorrow as Sunday in House gists....

Reason?

You all complained that Saturday in house gist was always too full and i agree...

Enjoy the gists.

GIST NUMBER 1

DOING IT FUNKE'S WAY

There's this very troublesome Cele Apostle or whatever his title is, who lives in the next compound. .
For like 1 month, I had trouble sleeping at night because this man would leave his apartment and come very close to the fence which incidentally isn't very long and faces my room window then he'd begin to pray loudly from 11; 45pm to the early hours of the morning.

That's the exact time I use to have my quite time but had to make it earlier cos it was hard to concentrate with that man shouting prayers at the top of his voice.
I had been thinking of how to call him to order when God answered my prayers through funke..

One particular night last week, I was feeling really testy..
Our generator won't come on so everyone had to retire early. Then I remembered Sis gunke has written about a method she has used to curb this kind of disturbance..
I decided to adopt it.
I went to my mom's room, explained everything to her and she decided to help me.

I tied white wrapper on my chest, she helped tie q red scarve on my head.
I rubbed alot of white powder on my face, neck and chest. Carried the small Calabash we use in preparing isiewu and off I went out to the fence area to await my tormentor!
In less than 5 mins, he came to his normal position and was about to start his prayers when I too started chanting rubbish in my language with the Calabash in my outstretched hands.

He kept quiet at first and tiptoed closer, when he got close enough, the next thing I heard was..
"Eje Jesu oooo, agbara Eje Jesu"
He kept praying and I kept chanting my rubbish. .
He gave up and ran away screaming .."Oluwa mi"
And I quickly left for my room.
My mom almost died of laughter.

It's been like 5 days now and that man hasn't returned to his prayer spot!!!
I have chosen to fight my battles this days quietly and with wisdom! !
Laugh your way into the weekend...
#‎FantasticMorning

...........................................................................................................

GIST NUMBER 2

SIDE EYES GIST

Hello stella, this is not particularly an amebo gist, its just something that happened to me a while ago and I tot I should share with BVs. I live in Abuja and transport fare is on the high end. Normally If I am having 1k for my T-fare, I always try to get change coz this drivers will never have change and your best bet is, they will tell you to come to their park and collect your change.

 So one day oo, after work I boarded a commercial vehicle going to kuje and that was after several struggle with the other cars that I missed. Normally before the car moves,I will inform the driver " oga I have 1000 naira oo, hope sey you get change" just to avoid their wahala of no change. This time I forgot to ask, and halfway to our destination, the following happened:
Driver: I no get change oo, hope say una hold una change?
Passenger 1: I have #500
Passenger 2: haa I have #1000 oga
Me: I also have #1000 with me oo
Passenger 4: I have #1000, I am paying for two

Driver: *laffing in a weird manner*, no wahala. I get plenty change

So as we approached kuje, he said "everybody bring your money". We all gave him our money. He then parked his car, came out of his car and walked to the roadside beggars(they are this hausa beggars with their kids, they have a spot and are usually 10 or more). 

He gave four of the our 1k n 500, told them he is dashing them 10 naira each out of the money if they gave him change. Omo stella, this people pack #10 and #5, #20 Plenty inside dat their nylon bag give the driver. The driver collected it and gave us, we were dazed. Nobody fit talk for motor that day.

DD

...........................................................................................................

GIST NUMBER 3

THE LIZARD PRANK

This funny gist happened between my two sisters and i.. Last week Sunday i went to church in the morning around 8am leaving my family who normally attends 10am service..I didn't have breakfast because I was in a hurry so when i got to church i realized my middle belt was crying so i decided to maintain my self and concentrate. But i couldn't towards the end of the service because I found myself thinking of the bread and egg that will go into my tummy after the service. 

 Immediately the grace was shared, i ran out of church with out waiting behind for the usual meetings... Took bike and flew home like i was being chased. So i got home and opened the gate with my key,  i tried to open the inner door and realized my family had gone to church so i searched for the inner key from the normal place it is usually kept but could not find it.

it was as if karma was hunting me for not concentrating in church. I checked every where for the key but couldn't find it, so the last place i checked was our generator house. When I entered there, a spirit was just saying "raise the fuel gerican, you will see the key" i was like saying "thank you holy spirit for coming to my aid".... So i raised the fuel gerican, lo and behold i saw what I didn't wish to see that morning. I saw a dead lizard looking so flat and painted with engine oil like it was working in the mechanic shop before it passed away.. 

I was shocked and knew it wasn't the holy spirit ministration. So I gave up the search, looked for a spot n slept till 12. 30pm in a hungry state of mind. My elder sisters came back and met  me sleeping outside, they laughed at me for not joining them to attend the 10am service and they apologized for mistakenly carrying the key to church. Immediately they opened the door, i went straight to the kitchen and filled my middle belt even though i was made to do a compulsory fast. 

So later that day, i remembered the dead lizard lying in the generator house and i decided to play a prank on my two sisters. While they were talking, i distracted their conversation and told them i saw a thousand naira note under the fuel Geri can in the generator house while checking for the keys but I was scared to pick it because It wasn't mine. 

So my two sisters started arguing, the first one said the money belonged to her, that she left it there while trying to on the generator, my other sister said the money is hers, that she forgot it there when she was sent to buy fuel. I could not laugh out because I didn't want to spoil the prank but before I could blink my eyes, i saw my two sisters running out to the generator house. My older sister left her baby and ran like Usain bolt while my immediate elder sister took the shortcut to the generator house and got there first, she raised the gerican and was shocked by what she saw, she ran outside and told my other sister she couldn't find the money, so that one, rushed inside the generator house, raised the Geri can and saw the dead  lizard painted  with engine oil. She ran out and i asked the two of them if they could send me just 100 naira mtn from the 1000 naira they picked.. We all laughed about it and they cussed me out for playing such prank on them.

............................................................................................................

GIST NUMBER 4

STARVATION WAHALA

Hello Stella and blog visitors, hope the Saturday is going on smoothly? The gist.....            

                               

 I attended a boarding school and towards the end of term, there is what we call starvation period. During this time, which is usually after exams, most people become broke. No money or provisions so we solely depended on the dining hall food from morning to night.The people who manage to have little provisions hides it in such a way that you can't see it and when they want to eat, they enter inside their locker or under their bunks or somewhere far were no one will beg them at all.  

In this period, we go to the extent of soaking garri for 30 minutes so as to make it swell up and look plenty then hide and drink it in other not to give any one.                                                      

I had this friend that was badly affected by the starvation period. One Saturday during hostel labour work, she got so hungry and told me she couldn't continue with the labour work again. I asked her what she will do to escape from the work and her reply was ''wait and see''. 

We continued working and all of a sudden my friend pretended to faint, everybody including myself started panicking, someone hurriedly brought water and poured it on her. She woke up shouting my chest! my chest! My chest!..... So i now said this girl needs milk ooh, my friend now said"yes, Milk! Milk! Milk!             

Everyone in my hostel started asking and searching their box for milk. And in that hunger crucial moment, getting milk was very difficult. So my friend kept shouting Milk! Milk! Milk!.. It got so serious at that stage and one of our senior opened her box and brought out a big satchet of milk she was saving to take home (when people were starving). She opened it and was about pouring it in a cup when my friend shouted so loudly Milk! Milk! Milk!... Please dont forget to add sugar(lol)...............                               

At that moment i knew she had been caught and the seniors punished her for trying to get milk and sugar with the pretense of having chest pain.                                               

Even when we became seniors we still mocked her for trying to demand for  sugar when she got milk.

................................................................................................................


GIST NUMBER 5
SENATE BUILDING

SDK I hail o. I want to share an experience with you and the ogbonge bvs.

So after NYSC wey I de job hunt, na im   one of my OPC friend (a yoruba guy) tell me say vacancy de for him friend office, say I fit go drop my CV there. My body come begin de sweet me, I ask am for direction, he give me, I come thank am comot.
The direction wey he give me be say make I enter bus reach Anthony, drop there, waka go front small say I go see SENATE building, say one street de by the left of that senate building, make I enter the street say na there the office de.
My people na so I enter bus reach Anthony begin look for senate building, I waka waka tire I no see Senate building. I come begin ask people, anybody wey I ask go say: senate building? For Lagos? Shey no be abuja Senate building de? . I come begin waka come back again just to de sure, still i no see Senate building.  I call the guy for phone, say, bros I no see senate building o, he say for where I de? I tell am, he say make I waka de look up say I go see senate building make I enter d street wey de the left.

 I start my waka again still nothing. I call the guy again  say I no see am o. He say make I look well, whether I no see where them write SENATE BANK? I say Zenith bank?  He say ehen now, no be wetin I de tell u since. E be like say make I faint, and I don waka pass zenith bank up to five times.

 I just use vex tell am say ok, cut phone, for my mind I say senate building ko commissioners  building ni.  I Just use vex waka go reach zenith bank enter the street go look for the person.
My people na tori be that o, till next time, na me ICE.