Hi Stella,
I Am one of your readers and i need you and your readers advice on what to do.
Am in a terrible situation even as i write to you.
Am in a relationship with this lovely, gently, and caring man. we met earlier this year and we have become so inseparable. We are so compatible that we have never had a cause to quarrel since we met. we no longer see each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, even his friends cherish our relationship.
recently, we discussed about settling down next year and sometime last week, he called me that he wants to take me out to discuss some issues which was yesterday. and that i should think of where i wanted to go.
We got to the restaurant and i was so impatient to hear what he's got to say but he said that i had to wait for the meal is served before we could discuss.
First he told me that he wanted to apologies for lying to me about his age which i had earlier suspected that he lied about. Initially he told me that he was 3 years older than me but confessed yesterday that he's 9 years my senior
Secondly, he told me when we met that he's been married before with a child and that the wedding crumbled due to his wife's attitude but confessed yesterday that he's got three children from the same woman.
Although the third one wasn't planned, she conceived during reconciliation period.
The opening up of his inner secret has left me completely heartbroken and confused.
According to him the white lady woke up one morning and packed her bags that she was no longer in love with him which was true. He got married 6 years ago and been separated for two years already. All effort to reconcile them back together proved abortive.
Immediately he told me about the second child i just could not handle it, i started crying and we had to leave the restaurant. While in the car he told me about the third child.
We didn't sleep all night. W both have good jobs but this whole problem has affected our work as we could not concentrate at work today.
He apologies that we should consider our love and turn a deaf hear to what family and friends will say.
We are very much in love and compatible, we don't see our selves as boyfriend and girlfriens in anyway.
considering the fact that have set some standards for myself and the kind of family i come from i don't think he deserves me.
He said i should accept him and we can get marry as soon as possible, SHOULD I CONSIDER LOVE OR LET HIM GO?
Am really in a dilemma and i need advice , please help me.
*he lied his way in,might probably lie his way out........there are more lies honey......he will probably tell you the rest after marriage....i might be wrong but before i faint again,i am gonna say my mind and please no one should cuss me out..DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!
Na wa oh! But you can't really condemn him for lying! Before he told all these lies, what impression did you give him about yourself? This one that you say considering your family etc, and your standards that he doesn't deserve you! And for you and him to have been together for long and you've never quarrelled shows that two of your are either very unrealistic or someone is pretending to be what they aren't? Just my thots!
ReplyDeleteVisit koolblend.blogspot.com for true life stories you can't afford to miss!
DO NOT MARRY HIM. This sounds exactly like my ex husband. He will tell you the rest of the lies after your wedding. ..mine did and told me that he couldn't tell me the whole truth cos he didn't want to lose me. Even his family was deceived cos they thought I knew every thing about him all along. Fast forward two years later I found out that he was s beast in a perfect enlightened man's body and I became a 25 years old divorcee withy life shattered. Thank God for my family that supported me all through. His ffamily still call my parents apologising for d agony they caused my family but the deed had been done. I have put my life together and I'm s success. I thought the stigma will leave me a single woman for life but alas I have more suitors than ever. I pray to God to help me make a right decision. I wish I can write my story do others can learn from it. But I'm making some bucks for the lucky man that will finally marry me...ciao
DeleteUgomma ubochi chinda I'm very sure that its u.u're a stupid liar.stop painting george black.shameless whore.u wia sleepin with ur ex at asaba in a hotel and evn gt pregnant for him.that was wat made u run away from your home
DeleteA little bit of lies and truth makes it work. What can you say in the case of work ethic, confidential statement. Some spouse can over do it at times but understanding matters.
DeleteNa wa oh. Men and lies, abeg come borrow my legs had join Urs take run oh, how can u have a third child through reconciliation lies from the pit of hail
ReplyDeleteAbi o, 3children is just too much. He is going to limit ur chance of having children.Pls don't marry this person unless u re a barren woman. You are a single lady, you don't need all the baggages of caring for children who are not yours plus if u marry him,he will deprive you of the right to enjoy new experiences like having kids. The man is not to be trusted, sometimes love is just not enuf.
DeleteAll of u asking her to run r just myopic. Wat mks u think d single guy she ll eventually marry wont impregnate other women while they r married. At least he was honest enuff to tell her d truth before marrying her, plus d kids r even white. Dat man loves u. If she runs away now, he ll keep it secret and d next woman ll suffer.
DeleteAnonymous 4:37pm thank u. I don't get it. Yes he may have lied ab-initio...I see it as withholding vital info,which is bad,i agree....but it shouldn't disqualify him.
DeleteNa wa oh. Men and lies, abeg come borrow my legs had join Urs take run oh, how can u have a third child through reconciliation lies from the pit of hail
ReplyDeleteWho born the maga wey go cuss you out, Stella? You didn't mince words at all which is why I like you taya. There are more lies than truth in this relationship, which is a wrong foundation to start a marriage on. The strength of any relationship is TRUST. Believe me, when more skeletons start coming out of the closet after the wedding no amount of love or friendship or compatibility will hold the marriage up. I don talk my own!
ReplyDeleteI ALREADY FAINTED BEFORE YOU STELLA!!!! KAI
ReplyDeleteDear Poster , ur story is similar as mine, pls if his name is Tom or kachi lives in lagos pls pack ur load nd run away but if he's not I can now drop a little advice, can u live wit a man dat has 3kids already? He has divorced d wife as they are just seperated ma nd as a result u re his 2nd wife #Note#, Don't be deceived dis man has a lot he can't tell u trust me nd u wil find out after marriage ma, wld u want to divorce? Pls think, age isn't d issue here but d lies,More lies to Come nd get ready.
ReplyDeleteExactly there are more lies to come. Pls ask urself this ?, if the tables were turned wud he have accepted u? Him being the single one and u being the one with the kids? I can strongly tell you NO. He wud pick race. I will advise u to do the same or u can enjoy his moni small (as revenge na) then pik race.
DeleteWtf! You need to pay attention to every damn thing you do including your writing. #nuffsaid.
ReplyDeleteThis is really deep. my dear, this man only needs a nanny for his kids. he has enough already. considering his situation, he only lied to get your love. just be careful before acting. who knows,may be u are his wife afterall
ReplyDeleteI HATE LIES WITH A PASSION!!! He started with lies, hmmm, i am afraid there are more lies my dear Let him go.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts too, I think he may have lots of other stuff he's keeping away from you which would unfold in marriage. Would you be able to handle that? Pray about it.
ReplyDeleteStella I buy ur comment.
ReplyDeleteStella pls ask your readers how soon a widower can marry? I got a proposal from a widower whose wife died barely six months ago and I declined but many people think I am stupid coz he has money. All I think of is that it is disrespectful to his wife and I just can't. Haba six months?
ReplyDeleteU better find out what happened to the first wife b4 the same fate befalls u. Women never cease to amaze me sha. Marriage is not for everybody."She" who has ears let her listen. A word is enuf for everybody
DeleteNne, one year di okay! Anything below that isn't cool.
DeleteThere is no written time frame for anyone to mourn anybody dear. Each to his own. While some may mourn eternally and never get over the loss of their spouse, some are quick to recover and they marry someone as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
DeleteHowever, societal pressure make some pretend far longer than they can possibly hold. That a man lost hid wife and married six months after does not mean that he killed her or that he doesn't love her. That a man lost his wife and six years after he still hasn't remarried doesn't mean that he has been mourning his wife for that long.
First...the man who has waited 6 good years may have been sleeping with thousands of ladies in the six years,but may have refused to marry for 2 reasons........
Either because he's mindful of what people will say, or because he hasn't found the right female. But Nigerians esp like to be fooled.
Therefore we should salute widows or widowers who are quick to settle down again after the loss of their spouse. It's not easy at all. The society should encourage them rather than castigate them. So lady, if u love him please go ahead. Godspeed
My father has not remarried 9years after and my mum dies @ 38. My honest opinion 6months too short. People no go look u nicely. I have a colleague like that, she's greeted under funny nose sounds. How will his children&family see. U?
DeleteNo let anybody deceive u that u shouldn't live life for people, people. R somewhat our mirror
Stella most guys lie, ask many Naija wives, got a similar bombshell yday. Licking my wounds at home and couldn't go to work....don't wanna burst out crying half way through work....Honey talk to your family first....they know the dude and are in a better
ReplyDeletePosition to give you advise , at least he dared to speak the truth eventually , the guy is honorable ..he may have started on the wrong footing,out of the fear that you'd reject him ...but he eventually came clean and didn't wait until you discovered it like I did. Cool down, investigate more with the help of your family, then make a final decision.
Best advice
Delete"...and the kind of family I come from I don't think he deserves me".considering your family and your personal standard,I don't think you need our advice on this
ReplyDeleteHonestly!
DeleteIn oda news am n dire need of a gud fuck,stella. My husband is jst a 2min noodles man
ReplyDeleteDo u stay in lagos? Leave ur email addy.I'l fuck u till ur nose bleeds.
DeleteFear God!
DeleteI don laff tire.
DeleteHahahahahhahahahahahahaha
DeleteWtf!!! Rotfl!!!!!!
DeleteSDK na wa o. How will you give such an advice? Men lie, yes, but women also lie. If your husband comes in one night and says the reason why your mother inlaw doesn't get along with you is because she fancies one Ella, his childhood sweetheart with whom he has 3 kids with, more than you, what then? Please don't faint here o. Men lie, but una sef....your lie fit make kilimanjaro run for cover.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, your love is an important tool. He opened up to you before marriage; a scarce *comodity* among us. That shows he's not about to lose you. It's painful, but this is a sign that your man is prepared not to hide anything from you, no matter how ugly. Take heart, and take him back. Be Blessed.
Spoken like a typical guy!
DeleteAbegi, Poster take it from a married woman with 10 years experience. Marriage is not a walk in the park. You shouldn't start your foundation with lies. Step quickly now!!
Bull! Don't marry such a man pls! If reverse was the case this man will run o. Most men can be selfish, they believe they are the ones that have monopoly of everything (cheating, lieing, deceits....) But the tables have turned and both man and woman at the end of the day are humans and therefore monopoly has being canceled. Gosh see how I am taking panadol for ur headache.
DeleteMemphis, i'm a girl and I completely agree with you. He opened up already. Nobody forced him to......he told you the truth because he believes you deserve it and I think that's a sign that he truly wants the relationship to work. We're all sinners. Take him back and forgive......and trust, until he gives you reason not to.
DeleteSUE
@Sue, l'm guessing you are not married so you are still in the "Mills n Boons mode" .By all means, let the poster go into the marriage, forgive n forget n trust until it's too late........ #somepeoplesha
DeleteSue he opened up because the lady might get the news by another sources when their marriage goes public. Don't underestimate the male folk. There are still good men though. Poster once again I'm telling you DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
DeleteAnd people that is telling you to marry him cos he told you before marriage. ..why did he wait for you to get emotionally entangled ie fall in love with him before he told you and he is now forming gentleman by telling you before marriage. He knows the game he is playing. ..he knows he had played his cards well and you will covince yourself and even fight yoir family to marry him. By the time he has you in his net and show you his real colour thats when you will know that his ex did not leave for no reason. No woman will leave a saint no matter how bad she it. Hmmm d time I've used to comment on this post...I would have used it to write my story
DeleteAnonymous 5:34 , you said it all no woman will leave a near saint, ig men can lie that they are not married and keep you got months ot years without you knowing his family is just somewhere in the next town.
DeleteLying about his age is no big deal but about his passed marriage and kids?No no! The question now is is he not going to tell more after marriage?
ReplyDeletePls let him go ASAP. Hez a liar and a thief. Tufia!
ReplyDeleteDO NOT MARRY OOO... BETTER TAKE OFF AND LICK YOUR WOUNDS THAN BE SOWIE N REGRET LATER. HE DPES NOT DESERVE YOU, IF HE COULD COMFORTABLY DATE YOU THIS LONG WITHOUT COMING OUT TO SAY ALL DESE, MY DEAR THAT MAN CAN KILL YOU.. hOPE I AM THE FIRST TO COMMENT..
ReplyDeleteWhat is happening these days, are single ladies no longer able to attract young promising men. Lady my candid advise, there are more lies coming you way, so pls run for cover. Like Stella said: DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!
ReplyDeleteI tire o, all these old men with baggages looking for single ladies to carry their bagge for them. Why was it a single lady this selfish man toasted to begin with? There are so many (divorced/widows) women out there, why did he not go and toast those ones. Oh oh, he has baggages but he does not want a woman with baggages. Very selfish man. My dear pls run o. If not na ur salary u go dey use pay him children school fees. I don talk my own.
DeleteNB: and those his fake friend admiring what u guys have, are equally as wicked as he. They are in on the deceit so they pretent u have got a perfect relationship when in their hearts they feel sorry for u. When they come pleading for you to take him back pls show them the way out
And why shldnt she? Every relationship has their lies and secret. Who comes out 100%.. Abeg oh! Make una stop to dey give useless advise oh. There are reasons to leave a relationship. This isn't one. He came out open to u because he loved u and wants a long term commitment with u. U shld appreciate that fact, if he had the opportunity of telling u in the beginning he probably would, but maybe fear of loosing u. No be girls dey commit close to 10 abortions before them marry? Do they open up abt it to their spouses? Hmmmm. Don't be deceived my sister. He doesn't matter if there are other secrets, we all have a secret and lies that will flw us to the grave. If he doesn't hit u, doesn't disrespect u, doesn't abuse u and all those shits. Abeg stick with him. Before u will go and jam the one wey no get secrets or lies and still dey maltreat u, whc is worst. No two relationship work the same way, what's good for A might be bad for B. If deep down withing u, you knw he loves u, and u feel the same way too, that's all that matters. Stella biko post am, I use all my strenght type am oh.
ReplyDeleteBest comment ever. I concur 100%
DeleteBetter to marry a single douce bag than marry a douce bag plus baggages... you go turn to overloaded truck
DeleteI inlove with ur advice,everyone is acting holy. If u here witout any secret let God judge u, Pls do nt judge d man. E dey everybody body abeg!
DeleteGod bless you jare.
DeleteIf you marry this man, you'll get yourself into real shit. Run as far as your leg could carry you, more of these unpleasant surprises are still coming.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear sis, U are lucky u are not married yet, My husband lives abroad & we ve been married for 13yrs. He has a love child outside wedlock 6yrs ago in Ireland but he never told me until I relocated with my children to where he is before he broke the news to me. I was so devastated, because I so much trust him,I cried for close to 2 wks before I accepted my faith. Though he begged me that it was a mistake but I have decided to work hard and move on with him bc I don't want 2 give the other woman the chance 2 move in & more over am the legal wife. Men can lie..............Abeg pick race since you people are not married yet if not you will still discover more skeletons in his cupboard.
ReplyDeleteIf naa you tell am say you first get 3kids you tink he will wait? the love go disappear sharperly , he will hate u like shit but we ladies no dey send bcos we dey cheapen ourselves b4 men.
ReplyDeleteYou'are so in-love with him i doubt if you would take people's advise (to leave him) i doubt!! to marry a man already with 3kids no be beans oh. if you truly love him let him go reconcile wt his wife the mother of his children.
People in-love rarely take advice , they only want to hear people's opinion, their mind is made up! my dear @Poster, pray and wait for you rightful man, no be tokunbo/farely used. that man naa tokunbo. forget this love thing. you are too dignified to settle for a man you'd share with someone later while in marriage!
tomorrow he'll tell you he wants to reconcile with his first love the mother of his children that he's new pastor said God hate divorce.
Gbam..gbamer...gbamest!!! Poster run to God and offer him your sincere prayers....not biased one ooo and see how he will open your eyes and see how you wanna fool yourself. Listen to your family. Anyone I love always make a wrongs decision in situations like this cos they reason with their hearts instead of their head
DeleteTrue,run away from this man cos he's a pathological liar,it runs in his blood there are more lies to come!
ReplyDeleteWell he might also be so in love with u dat he has to lie not to loose u,knowing no woman will want to marry someone with 3children!so if u have made up ur mind to marry him,make sure u create a space in ur heart dat will be shock resistant' in preparation for more unfolding stories of his life!
Else,leave him!
Yes.....he still has so many skeletons in his cupboard that he is yet to reveal......be very careful not to step into a lion's den. Men like that are extremely deceptive and go extra miles just to get a lady.....APPLY WISDOM!!!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, dis is a really tough one, for the man to ve confessed before marrying her, i really applaud him. Like stella said, thr myt be more lies, please ask him if he has told u everything u need to knw n then do ur own investigation, no one is perfect. Love n compatibility matters alot n u ve got that, so dont throw it away cos of this
ReplyDeleteStella you're spot on with your advice! The lies never finish. Move on. Unless you want to find out some bigger secrets later on.
ReplyDeleteIgnore Stella's advice. Marry him if you think everyother thing about him checks out and you can handle the baggage of the 3 kids.
ReplyDeleteHe might have lied about the kids because of his fear of losing you. And when things became serious, he was at least honest enough to tell you while you can still change your mind.
Ultimately, follow your 6th sense. No one in this whole wide world can predict accurately the aftermath of your marriage/leaving this guy. Life itself is a risk.
GBAM!!! You took the words out of my head.
Delete1) DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
ReplyDelete2) DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
3) DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
4) DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
5) DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN
nough said.
Will you marry her? Don't you know that marriageable men are scarce!
DeleteIfeanyi stupid pervert
DeleteBia! Mind yourself. Ewu gambia!
DeleteAmaka is that you? Because you're the only person I can take insult from.
DeletePLEASE FOR HEAVENS SAKE,DONT BE HIS FRIEND AGAIN,DONT MARRY HIM,HE HAS NOT OPENED THE REAL CLOSET YET.you will thank me later.
ReplyDeleteI agree with stella. A relationship built on lies will not survive for long. Keep how you feel presently aside, think of the long term result. Are you ready to be a step mom to his 3 kids? Are you sure he has told you the whole truth? Who knows, there are somethings he might still be lying about. Like stella said, DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!!!!
ReplyDeleteHe is a lying man (in funke Akindele's Voice).
ReplyDeleteDO NOT MARRY HIM.
Any relationship that starts on a foundation of lies, will be built on lies. so dear, if you're ready to listen to lies all your life,then you can go ahead and marry him, but I will say flee as fast as you can now.
ReplyDeleteYes......he still has so many skeletons in his cupboard that he is yet to reveal......be careful,,,dont step into the lion's den........Men like this go extra mile to get a lady.....APPLY WISDOM!!!
ReplyDelete@Poster, he is still keeping a few "secrets" o. I can bet you that he is still married to this woman. I can also assure you that if he is truly divorced, the woman "woke up and left" him because he had been cheating on her. Women don't stop loving a man for no reason. THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON. A man that starts lying like that, is keeping the bigger lies for later. Please, whatever major commitment you are about to make with this man, especially financial, PLEASE SUSPEND IT TILL FURTHER NOTICE!!! Get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth from him, SO HELP YOU GOD!
ReplyDeletefrom my experience, any marriage the foundation is built on lies will crumble. today 14th November was meant to be my wedding anniversary but did not last up to a year. leave him and don't look back or you live with regret.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. There's nothing that should make you trust him again. He lied because he knew you probably would not give him a chance if you knew the truth. And after getting you to build your love for him on a lie, he tells you the 'truth' and dangles 'love and marriage'. Hmm.. there are more surprises for you. He hasn't told you all. DONT marry him at least not just yet. You need TIME. You've just discovered the truth-or some part of it-so your past love life with him was a lie. It doesn't exist anymore. You are just starting out with him. This guy may have many more schemes up his sleeves that he will gently break to you the more committed he sees you are to him.A Smooth operator. Who exactly now are you in love with? The guy who has one child and is 3 years older or the one who has 3 kids and is 9 years older? You need time kiddo. This is where you apply the brakes and give the engine a slow run.
ReplyDeleteSpot on! We babes can be so gullible. Which kain yeye love be that? Love built on lies is no love #shikena
DeleteStella what do you mean? He was man enough to tell her the truth before marriage nothing stopped him from coding this info from her. Pls if you love him go ahead and marry him, one more thing the part where you talked about standard and the kind of family you come from was very annoying, this is the real world! Except you want to create your own man with your HIGH standard. Sit him down and tell him to spill all his other secrets before you marry him.
ReplyDeleteNnah, Iji ya!
DeletePuleeze,there's more to marriage than love. Women are blessed with intuition. If your inner voice is whispering to you now, DON'T IGNORE IT. Make sure you find out everything b4 you step into marriage o. Love is no longer blind. There's now laser surgery do no more excuses!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletefor the fact that he confess to you before marriage really means a lot ,think deeply my dear,no one is perfect.
ReplyDeleteWell consider if he had told you after marriage, what would you have done? At least he made it a point to let you know the truth before marriage. Now your love is being tried and tested. You need to move carefully with this guy. Why did he wait until you were totally committed in heart before breaking the news to you? This relationship needs to slow down a bit. You just met early this year. No talks about marriage yet. Don't put yourself under pressure to let him go on this account. No. It will be difficult if you truly love him. But let the relationship start on this new pedal. And see how well you can take issues that come up. Soon the white lady might show up with requests for child support etc..ie if it hasn't started already and he hasn't told you! We were told in primary school, a liar will not be believed even when he tells the truth. Once you've been lied to, there's every possibility you will be lied to again.
ReplyDeleteBefore you decide just remember that marriageable men are scarce! biko manage the one wey you see.... Give him second chance! He may have truly repented.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, don't marry him. Some more bombshells will come out after he has you in his house.
ReplyDeleteYour story sounds familiar, pls if his name is Keno, run for your dear life. I almost fell for his lies but God came to my rescue. Pls don't marry him oh. There are many fishes in the ocean. He wants to use you to clear his sh#t.
ReplyDeleteAs a "decent" babe, you deserve a "decent" man. Never lower your standards because of marriage, no man is worth it. Truth be told, he has many more skeletons in his cupboard... That you have not fought with him since you guys started dating is a red flag for me because it shows either of you is not being open. He's full of deceit! If you don't run now, you will run back to this blog seeking for advice after your marriage.
U dnt see urslves as boifrnd nd girlfrnd, wat d'u c urslves as?? Brother nd sister??abeg take several seats nd for ur own good, leave dat Liar of Africa now dat u can o
ReplyDeleteIfeanyi.....they are scarce in your dreams! Biko si ebe a puoooooo!
ReplyDeleteAdonis mentality mscheeeeeew
Amaka is that you ? Because you're the only person I can take insult from.
DeleteLol...Ifeanyi you are such a funny person.pls who is Amaka and why is she the only one allowed to insult you
DeleteI wish u culd stick to d advices of anon. 1.44. You need to drastically take it slowly with him. It will only be unfare to say quit now without giving him a benefit of doubt. Try to be in control of the pace of d relatnshp henceforth. I'd like u to prove to him dat ur not a coward. He has to keep confessing serially for months until ur very convinced his not holding anytin back. If u've met a good liar ul know hw terrible dey are. The can evn lie to God. Hooking up wif his ex culd be a good strategy cos u nid to hear out nd try and build a relatnshp wif her cos u myt be taking care of her battalion smday whether u lyk it or not. Also ask urself if ur emotionally, mentally, physically and financially ready to bear the responsibility of step-children in addition to ur yet unborn kids. O girl the odds r much. U nid to b exceptionally strong to handle dis project. Just do wat will guarantee ur peace. They say 'a man dat lies to a woman has no respect for her feelings'.
ReplyDeleteWell said. There's a small chance that he actually wants to do the right thing. My major advice to u is to suspend any talks of marriage for the next couple of years and observe him. Oh! And u need to find out what happened with his first wife. That would give u an indication of what he would be like in a marriage. Hmmm. Because relationship (damn even partnership) nor be the same as marriage oh! That's a totally different ball game.
DeleteIf you like lies and can handle lies. Stay there. If you hate lies and can't handle lies, run away. He has a bigger problem. He probably lives a lie too.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a marriage where there is a child i'm not the mother of. I don't want to tell you what went down. But to multiply the woes i had by "three" which is what you'll probably be doing, my dear, i advice you, run for ya life. Unless you're a lioness and ready for the "ish" then you have my blessings.
ReplyDeleteNne you have said it all. You too must have ur own hidden past. So leT him know now and MARRY ur man. After all life is full of risk take the risk.
ReplyDelete@ANON 12:20 HAHAHAHAHAHA, I KNOW A KACHI WHO IS MARRIED TO A LADY WITH 3KIDS AND TELLS GIRLS HE'S SINGLE O. EVEN HIS ELDER BROTHER DOES SAME. ILLITERATE AND JOBLESS IGBO BOYS. HOLLA IF ITS THE SAME PERSON. GOD REALLY SAVED YOU.
ReplyDeletePoster, are you a Christian? I hope you are. Then take it to the Lord in prayer.
ReplyDeleteFirst thing to consider in marriage is how well does this man love God? What is his relationship with Jesus? He can't love you if he doesn't love the Lord.
2) you need to find out more about him do a research a study case, use Facebook, Google, ask friends, family members, try and find out what happened between him and the other lady. Having three kids with a man is no jokes..why did she leave him, is she still single? What kind of relationship does she have with him NOW? A WOMAN THAT HAS THREE CHILDREN FOR A MAN WILL ALWAYS BE IN THAT MAN'S LIFE! IT'S WORSE IF SHE REMAINS SINGLE, SHE WILL ALWAYS CONSIDER THE FATHER OF HER KIDS AS HER OWN. So go figure!
3) Please discuss this issue with a loved one, your dad, mum, siblings etc. At times like this you need your family around you.
Bottom line, have some clarity...take it easy right now. Don't rush into anything, don't make promises. IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM, DON'T BREAK UP WITH HIM NOW, BUT DON'T PROMISE HIM MARRIAGE. take your time, watch him, prayerfully consider your actions. Give yourself line six months...if you have the inner peace and you think you can handle all that..carry go...the Lord will be your strength.
Please take a moment to visit this blog
www.thebanquethall.blogspot.com
It's all about Jesus you know. There is no other name given for man to be saved apart from the name of Jesus Christ. Receive HIM today as your Lord.
Best comment
DeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteYou can never really know everything about your spouse before you plunge into marriage. Ask all married couple around.
You may know some prior to marrying your spouse and the others reveal itself while you are in the marriage reasons why people scream "marriage is not easy" Bla Bia"
Honestly I commend this man for telling u all this prior to. It simply means he wants to bare it all so you both can have an understanding before commitment.yes he lied from the beginning maybe to get your attentiin m now that he does, he is coming out clean.
I won't advice you to run or leave him just yet.
My suggestion to you is this:
1. Ask him if there is any other thing he hasn't told you yet. He should bare it all out now...
2. Ask yourself if you can cope with his children
3. Find out from him how things are gonna be as regards the kids. Y'all gonna be living together? Can u?
4. From his response, sit down and ask yourself....can your love for this man coupled with all of the circumstances surrounding him still make you walk down the aisle with him?
This is about you. Can you????
Whatever answer you arrive at, I wish you the best.
Cheers!
It was his lying attitude dat made d 1st wife leave. N like stella hv rightly pointed out dere r more lies 2b discovered. N dat will happen wen u r married. Don't end up like d 1st. Don't marry him
ReplyDeleteAssuming d tables were turned he won't luk back dumping u abeg forge on jare. He is a bloody liar
ReplyDeleteIt was his lying attitude dat made d 1st wife leave. N like stella hv rightly pointed out dere r more lies 2b discovered. N dat will happen wen u r married. Don't end up like d 1st. Don't marry him
ReplyDeleteBetter take all the advice given to you
ReplyDeleteWow! This is serz! My own problem is that you people don't fight! Are you joking? And you have been 2geda 4 @least 6months!
ReplyDeleteI tire for SDKers telling the Poster to leave. Why? "Because he started the relationship with lies". So what's the guarantee that the next pair of arms she'll run into doesn't have dancing skeletons around him? Huh? And she finds out and leaves that one, and so on and so forth....then the next thing is, "Stella, my life is in a mess...can't seem to find the right man...I can commit suicide".
ReplyDeleteYou all are obviously missing the point. This guy came out clean in order to build trust in his relationship. Instead of petting the Poster and encourage her to take it easy, be more accomodating so her boo's convidence would improve, and prayerful, y'all are telling her to run. To where? Una wey de give that advice, I do hope your spouses aren't having skeletons dancing skelewu in their cupboards. Because una never see guys that cover up their lives for over 20 years. Dear Poster, if you truly love him, give him a chance. He's a rare specie. Even I wouldn't be able to do what he did.
Rare specie? What did he do that is special? He only told her because she would have heard from another source. She needs to carry out an independent investigation to find out other things he may be hiding. Then she can decide.
DeleteThank you, jare! Rare specie indeed . For what? Saying what he shd have confessed in the beginning. If he was that rare , he wd laid his cards on the table from the onset and taken his chances , not wait until she is emotionally entangled. The guy is not a rare specie , he's a fraudster!!
DeleteHoney where do you live? If you live in obodo oyinbo, I hope you understand the child support system , and child support on 3 kids is not a joke on a guy with a good job. And a white woman will take you to the cleaners , this is coming from someone with experience in that department so think twice.
ReplyDeleteIf he waited this long to tell you about his kids, he probably has more secrets. And hardly would you see a white woman waking up in the middle of the night to leave an African brother, there is more to the story. Tell him to start spilling.
And if have such high standards, then a guy with 3 kids is not for you, my 2 cents.
Correct my dear. That's why I refused to date one guy cos of this child support wahala. As a naija Babe, I come calculate how much he go dey pay and how long he will pay aspa the kids ages. I just walked away before love will cover my eyes oh. I thot of my future kids oh not this splitting of money btw families. Wisdom is needed here, wish u the best but try find a man we never marry.simple!
DeleteEven after gettinq married to him,am sure you urself won't trust him anymore and dat kind of marriage won't last.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure he did not marry the first oyibo wife for papers?
ReplyDeleteI still wondering why you never hug nd kiss such a man million times,
ReplyDeletea man open up to you just before marriage and told you all the truths about his past life nd mistakes,,and you are there seeking advice,do you think you love that man really?i think that man never wanted to hurts you in any way,did you know what he may go through before deciding to confess to you?women with there linage wisdom
Indeed, he is so "honourable" in opening up about his 3 kids and prior marriage. So, why did he feel there's a need to lie about his age too from the start?? Sleeping with former wife and she then conceived all DURING a reconciliation period?? What REALLY made the wife bail out after THREE (plus a very young one) kids?? Men lie but the scale and scenario counts.This man is a pathological liar. Such people are often very good actors (charming, nice, loving mien masking brutish and cruel sides) because they have multiple personality disorders most times. Sweetheart, I know, I was once married to his type to my cost. CUT TIES. DO NOT MARRY HIM!
ReplyDeleteThanks all for your comments and to Stella for publishing my story. I really do appreciate. @Anonymous 83, we both live in UK and the kids are with his ex wife. God bless you all
ReplyDeletePlease my dear... Do not marry him, u don't need d baggage... The ex- wife and d kids would forever be in his life....
DeleteAnd if it is who I am thinking it is.... Hmmmm.... He's got another child from his first ex white wify.... He's probably waiting to drop d bomb after he marries you....
Hun... U don't need dis kind of marriage... I married a man who has got 2 kids from his ex white wife.... Today he's going to fix his kiddies bed... Tmrrw he's going to take them swimming.... And it is always like that.
Please just take a long walk from this guy.... U don't need d heart- ache.
Sweetheart, this is pure deceit. Having a love child somewhere and keeping it a secret till u ascertain the seriousness of ur reationship is one thing but having to lie about being married with 3 kids? That's crminal. You divulge that type of info from the second date not after the person has invested all their emotions in it. And trust me when I say, the guy is pretending. He has baggage that's why he can pretend to be nice. What more can he offer you. This story sounds like one Bomi guy in london who has two daughters by a white woman and I hear she just had another baby for him recently. Its too much drama sweetie. Run for ur dear life.
ReplyDeleteDivorcee men? N those guys wit baby mamas here n ther Hmm! Dats is a no no for me, they can lie 4 africa, I can all most bet ds one is stil married to his wife, that's how they do, they will evn paint a very bad picture of those women dat u will feel soorry for him bt in d end, its a ll lies, he is jst luking 4 a means of dumping u u without looking like a bad man
ReplyDeleteMy dear if his name is Collins chime...pls run and dnt look back.He claims its a white woman that has kids for him so won't go snooping around..Bt the truth is he is separated from the wife,she is a nigerian n they are not divorced.Guy is a gold-digger.
ReplyDeleteHe told you the truth and apologize for the lies of his own accord!! Not that you put pressure on him..I would sit with him and ask if there are more surprises hidden at this point.
ReplyDeleteBelieve me on this, it takes a man that loves a woman and wants to make things right to come out and acknowledge his lies.
I told a girl about my genotype some years back and she chased me away from her house like I had dog poop on me. She came back to beg and all that but the harm was already done. I told her the truth because the relationship was getting serious.
Men lie because women can handle truths, it takes a courageous and loving man to come out and say it the way it is.
And STEPH. If you took out time to read, you'd realize the poster and her bobo live in the UK, the name you just mentioned and reference to Asaba, shows you are off track.....do yourself a favour.......scoot!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly, I'm one of the most tolerant people I know and there"s no way I can be with someone for that long without having several quarrels, that's too unrealistic. He's not the only one telling lies, you've been lying to yourself too. He either confessed because he really loves you or he wants to end the relationship, no man wants to be with a woman who doesn't chanllenge him. I've ended relationships because the girl never saw any wrong in everything I did, no questions asked. Even when I deliberately tried to upset them. It was too obvious that they were holding too much in just waiting for me to enter their trap (marriage), then they would show me who they really were, who wants to be with someone like that? Most marriages end today because such couples never really knew the true person they married until it was too late.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not a walk in the park....It's hard work and when I say hard, I mean back breaking hard work. This is coming from someone who has been married for years dear. The mere fact that you haven't had any tiffs with this guy despite dating him for over 6 months raises a scarlet red flag in my mind. He is as fake as plastic made in China. Real people have tiffs and make up. Honey, walk away and never look back.
ReplyDeleteYou'll meet the right person soon.
Ruuunnn!Runnnnnnnnnn!!Ruuuuuuunnn!!!
ReplyDeleteit not possible that they wont have issues to disagree upon by the posters, i can only assume that the poster is trying to say that they are compartible and get on well with each other with little or no disagrement. As for me. the poster should give him the chance to prove himself as a sincere person and they have to discuss all the issue through with each other.If all our past is been considered in recent day no body will move forward in life. Even in a marriage men or women have more terrible mistakes and thing yet they wont brake up. My advise go for him if u love him.
ReplyDeletehav you tried delay sprays?
ReplyDeleteHow on earth can u advise her to go ahead and marry him? And u think a man who can lie his way thru all this while will really spill the remainder of his secrets which am sure if packed, it will full two trucks? Dear Poster, please run for your dear future with the highest speedometer
ReplyDeleteIf not she said they are in uk, I thought it was one Kingsley (his surname will remain anonymous for now) , that one has 4 kids with 4 different women (father of many nations) . And he lies about his age too. He's close to 50 yet he lies he's in his late 30s. That one stays in Lagos. Make una run from that one oh cos he go chop your money sef. Lol
ReplyDelete